Terrified my POCD is real because of my fetish

My parents really sheltered me when it came to sexual stuff. I realized at a young age I had a wedgie fetish and was always looking up videos on the computer, getting turned on in class when we watched a show/movie that happened to have a wedgie in it. I felt like a freak and never told anyone.Because a wedgie’s commonly a prank among kids, and I was never comfortable going on porn sites, I just looked up wedgies on YouTube and got off to clips of shows and movies, sometimes animated (like Simpsons, Billy and Mandy, etc), sometimes real like Suite Life of Zach and Cody.I don’t like kids. But I never liked going on porn sites because of how I was raised, so even in high school and college I was just going on YouTube and watching those clips. I feel gross thinking about it because I didn’t like seeing kids get them, more I was imagining myself in that position (being wedgied).I didn’t think this was wrong until I came across an Instagram post. The account was wedgie clips, which there’s a lot of, some of them with “homemade” clips (like obviously not from a movie or show but filmed on a phone). One of them was of a kid getting a wedgie, I didn’t think anything of it but then I looked at the comments and people were freaking out about it. I never thought stuff like that was wrong because I assumed people were like me, they weren’t attracted to the kids but imagining themselves in that position.I’m terrified I’m on some watch list, or if I try to talk to my therapist she’ll call the cops on me. I feel like I need to throw out all my devices and go live in the woods somewhere. I’ve been sexually assaulted in the past, what if this is a cycle and I’ll do it to someone else? I’m terrified just typing this. via /r/OCD https://ift.tt/34j9cIn