To start with, I live in third world country with pretty shit social services, orphans are often neglected and allowed to roam the streets like it’s nothing.One time after I drove my friend, who lives in a pretty sketchy neighbourhood, back to his place, I saw this little girl dig through a bin for food, I was shocked so I stopped to ask her where her parents were and all that, only to learn she was homeless. I took her to the nearest restaurant and called CPS, who took their time to arrive, she said her mom just dumped her in the city one day and just left. Girl who picked her up from CPS turned out to be someone I went to school with, so I asked her to update me and all, she was sent to an orphanage (yeah we still have those), and police were investigating her case. As it turns out, by the time they found her mother, it turned out she had overdosed a month ago and passed away.Honestly the image of her digging through garbage kept haunting me, I visited the orphanage a couple of times to get updates about her, what I learnt was that, while she doesn’t seem to misbehave, she is extremely introverted and is always shivering around other kids, also that there was very little hope of her getting adopted or finding a sponsor given her age. Eventually I decided to apply for adoption, in my mind, I felt it was the right thing to do, and considering that I’m a single man, if my application doesn’t get denied, then it must’ve been fate, as 9/10 times single guys can’t adopt. That being said, my application was granted in a relatively short time, it helped that I was quite financially capable, and that I had experience in social services myself, both as a volunteer and as a first job fresh out of college. The orphanage administrator told me how I practically saved her life because she seemed like a troubled child and even the few parents who were willing to adopt a 10 year old were kinda “creeped out” (she used a very local term can’t really translate it to English) by her.Despite her actually being wary and kinda mature for her age, it didn’t take her very long to adapt to her new family. Within a few months, she’d call me daddy without hesitation or anything. She’s grown pretty close to my parents too, my dad already spoils her like she’s his actual biological granddaughter, my mom was initially skeptical, in facts she once implied to me that she didn’t like to be called grandma by her cause she only wants to hear that from her actual children, but later on she grew very fond of her, probably because she copied me a lot.During the past two years she’d occasionally open up to me about different things she felt and how it compares to her previous life. She says that she genuinely feels that I’m her dad because she never met her biological one, and the closest thing she had to a father figure was one of her moms boyfriends who was a fucking asshole, one time her mom slapped her for breaking a vase and she didn’t cry, so he told her mom she was too soft and punched her right in the gut. My guess is he was a junkie just like her mom.The truth is though, I only ever heard these stories rarely, partially because I want her to live a normal life so I don’t ask her about them often, but also because she doesn’t seem to want to talk about it.Recently, I’ve been noticing her sobbing in her room at night, I asked her to speak to me about it, she said she didn’t wanna tell me about it because she loves me and she’s afraid that if she tells me I will look at her differently or be scared of her. This is gonna sound horrible but I initially thought that she got her first period and was freaking out, (sorry) so I had my mom call her, but it seemed like it wasn’t the case. I asked her if she was getting bullied in school, (even though I’m sending her to the same private school I went to, knowing it’s pretty strict against bullying and she herself told me how much better it is compared to the all girls state school she used to go to when she was with her mom, she’s also missed a year when she was homeless and in the orphanage so she’s one of the tallest in her class.), again not it. I didn’t wanna pressure her to speak but hearing her cry so often was breaking my heart, eventually I convinced her to go see my colleague who’s specialised in child psychology. He wouldn’t tell me any details, but he did tell me that it doesn’t seem like she was ever molested, which was like my main concern so thank God, and that when she’s ready she has to tell me herself.The problem now is that she doesn’t wanna go to therapy anymore, she says it’s too much for her and that it’s not helping her at all, nor is she ready to tell me anything.I’m really worried about her, she still cries every other night, which hurts me like a bitch, and she doesn’t seem to trust anyone enough to speak to. via /r/relationship_advice https://ift.tt/3npBubG
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