This will be a long post but I hope it's worth the read.I've lived what many people would consider a really good life. My family was/is comfortably middle class, and I was always extremely bright. In 2008, I tested into one of the top high schools in my state, which had a focus on STEM/math & science. Instead of making the most of this opportunity, I goofed off; I cared more about "being popular" than engaging in actual, productive activities. I disavowed my peers, and hung out with the "public school kids" instead, who were more fun. I coasted thru with average grades by sheer willpower & ability to retain just enough information to get by. As a result, I never built a work ethic. I didn't have to hold a job because my parents had money.As a result of the above, I never took the college search seriously. My senior year rolled around (2011), and I had no ambition or idea of what I wanted to do. Due to school/parental pressure, I just applied to a few colleges in my area without doing a serious search. I ended up getting into a 4-year private uni near my home. It wasn't a great school, but it wasn't a bad school. Just average, I'd say. I went there because they offered me the most money.I was in undergrad from 2012-2016; despite various pitfalls, ups, and downs, I graduated on time, and with decent grades. But circling back to my younger self -- I didn't work hard. I did the bare minimum required to pass; my GPA only looked good because the business department at my school inflated grades (no one got worse than a C, really). I also cheated thru multiple classes. I barely held a job, and had no meaningful internships. I even joined a business fraternity (aka paid dues to have a professional network), but I was too prideful/incompetent to utilize whatever resources I had. I had plenty of friends, advisors, and professors who could have helped me with getting a job, or planning my future. I never utilized them to the degree that I should have.Post-grad (2016), I ended up taking the first job that said yes to me: at a call center in customer service for an insurance company. I knew right away this job wouldn't be it for me, but figured, "who cares? At least it's a paycheck." Plus, I thought, I could always move up in the company to another role. I spent years trying to advance; I could never get where I wanted. I knew I had the skills, and the intellect, to do so much more than this job. But I was never considered for anything I applied for. Last year, they practically offered me a promotion to be a "senior rep", which I took, mostly out of sheer desperation to add to my title/pay.I have been miserable at this job since day 1. It's ruined my mental health to the point where I've had to take a leave of absence from work. Today, at 26, I feel like I've completely hit rock bottom. I've seen friends go on in life, doing great things, making progress. I've seen my brother recover from setbacks and find a stable job which pays well. I've seen my sister develop the ambition I should have had years ago, by making the most of her college years.I am fortunate I have family, friends, and a girlfriend who care about me deeply. But I still feel like a complete burden and failure to everyone. I know what I want to do with my life, and how I plan to get there. I just need a shot and I just need a chance. I've applied to hundreds of jobs for what I'd like to do, and I never hear back from anybody. I don't know what else I have to do to get to where I want to be.But at the end of the day, everything circles back to one common thing for me -- I wouldn't be in this position if I didn't blow so many chances I had to be successful. It eats away at me every single day and I hate myself for it. I'd never wish this feeling upon my worst enemy. The feeling of hopelessness, doubt, and failure. via /r/offmychest https://ift.tt/2RSwoWK
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