So my brother suggested I write this here and hopefully get some advice on what steps to take. I (19F) started my first relationship with my Bf (19M) about 3-4 months ago and this is both our first relationship. I meet him in college and was basically everything I liked in a guy: shy, awkward, smart, and humorous. When meeting him he did share about his history of high anxiety levels and depression when he was a kid, which I understood since I also had it growing up. I knew it was hard to overcome so I always always made it clear that I would be there for him and will give him the support he needs whenever he feels down. Throughout the beginning of the relationship we were nothing but cuddles and showing affection in being close to one another. As well as texting not too often but regularly throughout the day. I’m a clingy person but I know that it can be a lot for some people and he was a person who wasn’t so clingy so I made sure to control my emotions better and accommodate them bc I was scared of pushing him away. We started to make it clear that communication is key to help us understand each other better so no one feels like they are holding back. All in all, we were both happy with how things were heading. Until a few weeks ago, we were thinking of introducing each other to our parents as we wanted to hang out at each other house with them there bc we always hung out in secret and we didn’t want to feel like we had to hide it. So I decided to meet his parents first and he was totally okay with it, nervous but nothing too extreme. The day of meeting his dad he was telling me how he just wasn’t feeling good in the morning, I asked him what he was feeling and he said that he just felt weird, not sad or mad, just not happy. I told him that’s it’s okay if he didn’t feel ready we could do it another time or talk it out just the two of us and reschedule, but he insisted that it was okay and we headed towards his house. Meeting his dad went better than expected, we laughed and talked about gardening and such and then me and my bf went into his room. At first we were watching movies and I wanted to hold his hand but he said that he didn’t want to in case his dad came in so I understood and left it at that. Then he started distancing himself a bit from me, I was sitting on his bed and he was sitting on his chair inching away a bit, I asked if he was feeling okay and he said no that he just felt weird. The thing is my love language is giving physical affection to reassure them that I am here for them and how I show my love. But he didn’t want that, he didn’t want to be touched and I asked if he wanted to talk about it but he said he didn’t know how to and we stopped at that. I felt useless at that point bc I couldn’t do anything but just sit there and I felt like I was letting it happen, all I cared was to make him feel better or feel loved, I was getting emotional and started quietly crying. He noticed this and just let me cry, not in a rude way but more like he didn’t know what to do either. I left a bit before putting my forehead close to him as he dropped me off and I said: I know today felt weird and I hope you know I’m here to talk if you need anything okay honey? He smiled and said having my presence there really helped him lighten up, which made me extremely happy. Later that day he messaged me apologizing for the awkwardness and stated that he was just feeling a bit depressed. I messaged him back saying that’s understandable and that if he needs space I would give him that and assured him I’d be here for him. We texted like normal for the rest day then he suddenly stopped which wasn’t unusual for him. But it got concerning after 4 days with no replies from him, while I was still messaging letting him know that I miss him and that I’m here whenever he’s ready to talk. I didn’t want to push him away but I would try contacting him every so often. I was worried of not knowing what was going with him. A week passed when he finally messaged me saying that he’s sorry for not replying and that he’s just thinking about a lot of things, I quickly messaged back saying that this is a part of him and that I’m willingly to support and care for him and his flaws and that if he needs professional help that I can help him look for therapist or support as well. He just simply said that he feels like he “misunderstood his emotions” and that he just needs to see me in person. I was shaking reading that bc I didn’t know what that meant and thought the worst and told him when he would like to meet up and he hasn’t replied since then. Its been almost 2 weeks and I’m losing my mind just messaging him and not hearing back from him. The only way I know he is home or is safe is bc I have him as an Xbox friend and it tells me that he’s been online these past couple of days. He loves playing video games and I don’t mind that at all bc I know he likes to use them as stress relievers at times. But I won’t lie that it does hurt at times when I see him playing and he hasn’t even bothered to send me one message from the ones I’ve left him to tell me if he’s ready to talk or not. At least one throughout the day would be enough for me to be satisfied but nothing...I am just so confused and heart broken bc everything was going so well and I keep thinking whether I did something wrong and it’s eating me up inside. Please let me know what steps to take, is this normal for a first relationship? I’ve never been in one so any advice would be so helpful. I am thinking of just going to his house and asking him what is going on? But I’ve been hesitant bc I want to give him the benefit of the doubt. I’m just not sure, thank you for reading. via /r/relationship_advice https://ift.tt/36BWlCE
No comments:
Post a Comment