My husband just does not “GET it”!

I don’t know how to explain what I need to say, but I know I’m at a breaking point!!! We have 2 children, who are not ours biologically. We’ve been through some ups and downs with the kiddos, but our 3yo and 4yo are our entire world. My husband completely changed when he became a dad. Like, his whole demeanor, he seemed to have purpose like never before. Spent much less time playing video games, much less time obsessing over whatever was on Reddit or Twitter, had more patience, was more loving to me personally, and worked around the house without me having to ask. Since we’d gotten married, he’s always been fantastic about doing whatever task or chore I set out, as long as I let him know ahead of time what I’m expecting or needing, he does it, no questions asked. So him being a great dad ontop of that, and seemingly really extremely happy about that, made me so so happy.BUT It’s been 1.5 years and he’s slipping. It’s like he just doesn’t get it. He is making the most SHIT decisions when it comes to parenting and blurts the stupidest absolute shite out without even thinking!! He forgets important dates, he is super absent-minded. He acts withdrawn and selfish and seems completely astounded that I am viewing him this way. The other night I needed help with something and I went to go into his computer room, but the door was locked. For me, that was the perfect example of him just not fucking GETTING IT. What if our kids needed him!!? What if I needed him and had a medical emergency or something. I never lock doors unless I ask him or tell him first, i.e., “I’d like to take an hour long bath now, and I plan to lock the door FYI.” The flipping AUDACITY it takes as a dad to put headphones in and ALSO LOCK A DOOR when your kids have just gone to bed!He doesn’t care that he’s leaving all the emotional burden and family planning on me. My job is INSANELY stressful and I have been averaging 62 hours a week. His job is stressful too, but he gets days off that are completely child-free, because I take them to daycare and pick them up. He contributes cooking dinner once a week, bringing takeaway home once a week, and doing dishes about every other day on average, plus handles all nighttime/bedtime stuff with kids without me prompting or asking. BUT THE MENTAL LOAD of calculating the best time and day and chore for him anything beyond that is barely worth it.I shoulder the load of yard work, sweeping, cleaning kitchen, living room, bedrooms, play room, bathrooms, laundry & laundry room, preparing kids daycare necessities nightly, taking them to their dance class every Saturday morning while he’s asleep, daycare transport, taking all sick days or scheduling time out of office for sick kids or daycare closures, working my work schedule around the kids lives and needs, scheduling all doctors and vets appointments, doing all birthday, holiday, family shopping and planning, doing all meal planning and cooking 5-7 meals per week, responsibility for getting kids awake, dressed, fed, out the door daily, I could go on.He thinks he contributes equally to our children. He lets them break every rule we agreed to with stupid reasoning that that can differentiate when and when not to flip off the back of the damn couch. Like no, they don’t understand the fine print that a daddy has to be spotting them before they can try. They’re just gonna try to fly!!! Every night, every single night because I’ve never spent a night away from home since we’ve had kids, I get their nightlights and blankets and alarm clocks ready with my husband and we take turns tucking in each kid “first” and we switch every night, but both of us always tuck each one in. A LOT of the time he has riled them up at bedtime, allowed them to make bad choices that escalate excited behavior, and then when they’re ready for bed they don’t want him to tuck them in because they’re still in “play mode” with him or they’re tired of the rough housing and since they’re flat out TIRED, they just want comforting hugs and to be calmed back down so their bodies can settle into sleep. Most nights they have to spend at least 10-15 mins laying in bed before they are ready to give him a goodnight hug! They fight EVERY NIGHT over who I am tucking in first and whomever I am not will have a loud cry until I get in their room! So While he sleeps through the morning shuffle, I get no reprieve from nighttime duties.Tonight I said I was done, I’ve had it, after our daughter didn’t go back to her room when he counted 3-0, and he said, “OK, no prize for you tonight!!!” And her sass and behaviors just RATCHETED UP TO A 10!! Duh, because he’s teasing her with rules she’s never thought of or heard of before at a game she’s actually decent at!! FIRST OF ALL, don’t fight with a kid who will hold onto anything to stay awake and your anger is what they need for a second wind. SECOND, I spent about an hour hand picking the most tempting and alluring prizes to put in a treasure box. The rules are simple, if they don’t come to our room to sleep at all, and stay in their beds all night they get to pick a huge prize. THERE IS NO CLAUSE ABOUT CALMING DOWN BEFORE YOU’RE ASLEEP! I said “gimme kisses and carry them with you to your beddy beds, mommy is staying in bed for the night.”They all cried for a solid 10 minutes. I think my husband might have even shed a tear or two. Lord I have NO IDEA how to explain the gibberish of what I am feeling or thinking.... not to my husband, not to anyone else, really. But I do know that my stubborn ass feels nice and comfortable laying in this bed all by myself now! via /r/breakingmom https://ift.tt/2F2iUVs