This story is like, really really long. So if you do not want to listen to a random girl on the internet complaining than feel free to just answer the question. This is an obnoxiously drowned out trope. But this is still a really big deal to me. I knew this guy very faintly before moving to his school. All of my sibling have been going to that school for about 5 years before me, and I was taken there because my mom wanted to save time and gas. This school itself was really awful, there was a LOT of corruption at this school, it was very poor, and the only reason people put their kids her is because they need to take their children away from the "toxic non Christian influences" that the rest of the awful gen Zs will give them. All of the other girls are non interesting hyper evangelical clones who are incapable of speaking about something that isnt concerning the bible. All of the teachers tell us to vote for trump even though I'm pretty sure that's illegal. But I decided to come anyway because I had the strongest feeling that I had to go here and talk to this guy, and I had to get to know him and hang out with him. He is the nicest person I have ever met. But this gave me sk much anxiety, because I felt like he was so wonderful that he was way out of my league, so whenever I was in the same building as him, I felt horrible, like i was a circus attraction that a million of him was watching and judging. I didnt try to talk to him because I was so buried in myself. So I just watched him all the time, trying to find out everything about him, but never speaking to him. One day, I gained a bunch of courage and turned the corner during passing period where I knew he always was at that time, but he was talking to another girl, and they were laughing and smiling and shit. So I just walked into the next class. I didn't think much if it because he has a lot if girls that are his friends, he never gender based his friendships. But I noticed that they were talking all the time, ever since the homecoming dance. And when it hit me, I went badshit INSANE. I became envious and hateful of everything. I felt like her existence was a constant reminder that she was everything that I was not or ever will be, and that this hierarchy us just how the world works. I hated myself for being a grade underneath him and not having very many classes with him and not being a twin for gods sake (he was a twin) which literaly made no sense. I hated myself and I had so much anxiety that I thought that literally everyone was better looking and better with speaking and deserved everything that I did not. And I had so much envy that I hated everyone so much for being better than me. I eventually tried to overdose and kill myself, but I didnt work and my parents sent me to a mental hospital for the entire 3rd 6 weeks. This only gave me so much more hate, and it proved to myself that I was nothing, and that i was a broken pie s of shit that nobody else was. The fact that my crush was chilling with his life and his girlfriend and not even knowing that I EXIST, while I sit smoldering in my own hatred of myself inside of a fucking mental hospital, and he has no fucking clue. Eventually, near the end if the school year, I walked up and introduced myself, and he was nice and all, but I was really awkward. We did have a brief email conversation when school stared this year but he has not replied to me in 3 weeks. What the fuck am I even trying to accomplish??? And now, I am in quarantine. I wasted so much oppertunity in 2019, and I am not really feeling like a million rn. via /r/teenagers https://ift.tt/3i8Tfbh
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