My parents make me suicidal every day and I can’t leave their house

I feel suicidal every day because of my mom’s bitching and my dad being an misogynistic, abusive, and manipulative fuck. He stopped me from buying alcohol because I’m a “Christian” when I’m not. I can’t leave their house for financial and health reasons yet. Corona is also making it difficult for me to transfer schools without it being online. I got a dog the other day after weeks of trying. I thought I would be happy but I just felt so-so. My parents made me take him back though because he bit both of my parents. Of course, nothing good lasts forever especially for me. I’ve had shit luck my entire life, from being bullied as a kid to being assaulted and abused by terrible people as an adult. I lied to my therapist that I didn’t have plans of killing myself because I know what the hospital’s like. And I cut off contact from her. I still have my high school friends but seeing how well they’re doing and seeing how they’re friends with the people who bullied me, makes me want to cut them off too. My aunt and grandma and cousin gave me more shit for telling them I was suicidal. And keep telling me that I need to pray more and more bullshit blah blah I don’t have it as bad as them blah blah blah I’ve been told I’ve been selfish for being suicidal. I’ve been thinking of ways to commit suicide lately. I want to go to the ocean and drown. But I read shooting yourself in the head is the most effective and painless way. I am seriously considering buying a gun but I’m also a coward so. People admit that I’m fucked and ghost me after I tell them my situation. I hate people who fake sympathize. No one wants to deal with a suicidal person. People don’t owe me shit but they also caused me too much pain. I wish I could be euthanized or something would fall from the sky and kill me. via /r/SuicideWatch https://ift.tt/3j9X0OT