What can I possibly do besides suicide when my life has been nothing but a huge brick to the face because not matter what I do to fix my problems. More arise and wont stop! It's a nightmare I'm posting here because I wanna be heard, I have nothing to lose I have no family no friends and the person whom I cared for and loved so much, left me because of my past because I was destined to be stabbed and treated wrong for the rest of my life ? and I am witness to my mistakes in the past never been to jail never broken the rules too much never been a drinker or a party guy too much. I was born in a different country called Panama between north and south america, my mom left me in that country 1 year after I was born, she left with my siblings my oldest sister and brother, I was raised by my grandfather and grandma they were all fantastic and good parents to me throught my childhood till I was 6 and my grandfather died of cancer all suddenly lung and throat cancer even tho he had quit many years b4 but I guess still happened. Then my mom called and told my grandma to not put me in the school for the whole year cuz she was coming to get me, she was currently living in the US and became a citizen, so the whole year went by and never came and got me. I was disappointed, I was then raped by someone who my grandma left me with after school the next year after I I turned 7 I never remember the incident for a long time. 6 years later she somehow came and got me with my new green card, I was removed from my friends and everyone I once knew and was very close to . A month after I got here not knowing English at all was sent to middle middle school and 2 years behind because of my language barrier I was put in a advance esl class for the whole year my teacher was a bad teacher and used to lose her shit with me because it was hard for me to concentrate, used to call me stupid becUse out of all the 12 students there, I was the only one not talking much but is because I was intimidated, somehow I passed the class and left that school from Dallas, I then moved to McKinney Texas and went to high school there, i did a whole year there and then my mom and my brothers and I, had to move to Dallas again during winter, we then moved to mesquite tx and stayed there for 5 years on and off becUse me and my mother got into it many times because she always treated me as different than my siblings so i started not caring and just left high school and started living with friends since I was 16 and 17 I was out and doing my own things for a little while I even moved to Oklahoma then back to Dallas and had my first 2 childs with two different woman one fucked me over and the other one just kinda kept me out and my other one fucked me over and cheated on me while I was a at work, she would call her ex husband and take off with my daughter and never paid a thing in my apartment I cooked and cleaned when I could after work, I worked in a commercial printing warehouse and I worked almost every day maybe one day off and, somehow my green card went missing out of my wallet and a week after that, everything started to hit me hard, my ex had waited till I got fired and then I went to take a nape with my daughter so i could wake up and have energy for my next move, but when I woke up, my newborn daughter took off with my daughter and my car and then i called cops but they couldn't help because that was her mother but if I would had been awake would have been a different story, I then got into a big depression i let some friends stay there while i would go to work and stay at my .moms for a while cuz the job was close to her house, and but I couldn't keep paying for my apartment no more becaUse my new job didn't paid me enough and then I had no ride to go to my old place because those friends stopped responding, and my parents wouldn't take me so I then find out that those friends of mine got cops called on my place and they were trying to run drugs and party hard there and so they got caught and I didn't have enough time to go get my things and leave so I lost everything I had, and now that I had no green card I could not find any jobs that would hire me so I met another chick who also cheated on me and got pregnant and didn't tell. Me and so a year passed by and after I got with this burnt survivor chick, my ex finds my number and texted me asking me 8f I wanted to meet my son and I did and he looked like me and we had a connection within a few weeks of been meeting up with him, 4 weeks later she asked me and my girlfriend at the time if we could take care of him because she couldn't and she didn't want him and I was all excited but I was living with that burned chick and I only donated plasma and did odd jobs from time to time to help but then Anastasia which was the burnt chick, got all excited and said she wanted to help me get my kids back and so I thought was strange but I accepted and thanked her for it but after a few months of him staying with us and making me very happy, Anastasia starts telling me that she called CPS on. My sons mom. Because she wanted to have my kid living with us without her ever coming back for him which it bothered me becUse that was kind of unnecessary and so my ex's kid got taken away and my son was then. Involved with CPS under some type of plan, to keep my sons mother away from my son, then a year or so passed by and Anastasia starts to act different and accuse me of shit because she had PTSD and other mental issues and so she was the type to wake up in the middle of the night screaming, or punching u, or to start a fight, and one night she took it too far and I had to grab my son from the bed because she started arguing with me and swinging her hands around like a child, I was afraid for me and my son and so she got up and while I had my half sleep baby on my. Arms she tried swinging at me so I turned my body and turned again and grabbed her arm and slightly pushed her onto the bed so I tried walking out with my son and she then ran to the front door and blocked me from going anywhere so I freaked out and called the cops and so I get her to calm down and I then the cops come and hear my story and hers but she was lying to them saying I hit her when I never hit no woman I told them. That I was defending my self and my son and that she hit me and I showed my Mark's and I told them I did pushed her because she was way too close to me while acting odd, so then she gets taken away and they asked me to press charges and but I never did because I felt bad and I did care for her and I didn't want to do that to my son so the day I went to sign the documents releasing her from her going to court, but also mostly because she begged me and begged. Me and also asked my mom to get her to get me to just not press charges on Anastasia and believe it or not I signed it and gave her the benefit if the doubt but the moment i did that, she went and called her parents and told them all of the things that happened and made me look horrible, why?, I have no idea, so then I started doing drugs because she got sick and got taken to the hospital I had to take care of my kid alone for a few months and had no job so had to come up with ways, I used drugs to keep up with my shoes because I was so tired, I was known around the complex because I was working on people's cars while I had my son at day care paid by cps, I got addicted but never let it keep me away from taking care of my kid but then she came back for 2 weeks I had to help her off the bed and to shower and to do all sorts of things and her treating me like shit everyday and screaming and omg it was the most stressful thing and was messing with me and then she went. Back to the hospital for 2 more months and then she comes back and made my life hell because I told her I was doing drugs and told her why but then I thought I could trust her but she turned out to be the devil and used that against me and started pushing me back and while I would go out to make money, she would go behind my back and assume i was cheating or God knows what when I was at work I had witnes3s, but she was also signing documents and suddenly I wasnt getting any kind of taxes so she started getting ng all of this money and I didn't know how taxes worked but when I did find out she was keeping all of this money from having my child living with us I got mad and confronted her about it cuz non of it was going to him we had all of his toys donated to us so where was this money going and so she would say she had it hidden for him and I just left it alone but then I had a bad feeling so I asked her when could she help me find a way to have me sign my sons birth certificate but because of my legal situation I couldn't do it my self, so I made her have power of attorney and she said she would help me but never did instead she would lie to me till the very end then got me caught up with CPS and locked.me out of the house and took off with my kid and I never got to sign it and then cps found meth in my system and so yay, now I was stuck with this embarrassing shit and after passing everything for 8 months. They kept lying to me telling g me I would see him as long I comply and I did the best I could but then I got with the woman of my dreams and but my ex found out about her and threw cps on her and her daughter and I 3nded moving with her temporarily and then months go by and now my current woman was getting very stressed out blaming me for her having cps on her for no reason. Just jealousy I guess and I got under alot of pressure and hurt by everything i was doing to help others and trying my best to do better at life I end up moving to my friends home and my coworker and we would work on his house on cars he was my teacher but my cousin dies and my uncle died too from covid and so I lost my shit and started doing meth again 2 wise and somehow I blacked out and messaged my friends brother and my best friends 14 or 16 year old daughter and I couldn't remember and I then lost my job and my best friend and then I apologized to them and couldn't believe that i did that and i feel so bad every day. And but i was still with my woman and i told her what i knew and to forgive me but i never seen anyone behind her back i was very truthful to her but after months of knowing then that guy calls cps on me about it saying I sent a nude to a minor or solicited to a minor and the worst part is that I ain't even that type of person fuck no and I felt disgusted and I wanted to hung my self because I was on drugs my woman lied to the cps guy so he could leave us, me alone and I thanked her, but ever since, she has not been the same, i don't wanna lose her she is my everything because we help each other and thanks to her i have been staying clean thanks to her I treat her like my queen but today she told me she wanted to leave me because of the past and she just wanted to be loved again was the only reason I was chosen to be with her but now because my past even tho I was truthful, she doesn't trust me thinking that if I do drugs again I would probably do that again. And I promised her I wouldn't but is my word vs everyone else's I feel like the world is against me even tho I only have eyes for her and good heart for others. At the same time I'm trying to get me a lawyer to get a green card and work again. And I'm trying to get a lawyer to help me get my son and prove that he was kidnapped and that I was scammed and my self situated but I feel like. NOt matter how hard I try and nor how much i help others to change my luck, I end up getting fucked over or back stabbed and hurts and since last year I have been very suicidal because I know I am a piece of shit and I keep failing at life and there's alot more to the whole story than this but is all I can let out for now and needed... advice because I feel like I'm going insane. via /r/SuicideWatch https://ift.tt/31yilux
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