Lol the depression’s finally getting to me

I’ve felt pretty shitty about myself for the past few years, but this just hits a new extreme. The voice in my head telling me that I’m a fucking failure is louder than ever. I’m tired even though I’m not physically active at all. I haven’t done my schoolwork yet. I don’t even know what’s specifically prompting this. Probably nothing it’s probably just cuz I’m broken lol. I thought having a job and my driver’s license would make me a bit happier. I feel worse than ever. I keep wanting to not feel this shitty, but then my brain tells me that I don’t deserve happiness. Tbh I’m starting to believe it. I don’t help people, I don’t make people happy. I’m lazy and distracted and mean. I’m giving up on my crush because I’m so tired of trying to pursue her. She doesn’t want me and the fact that I thought i had a chance is just stupid. I saw she posted something on Instagram and she just looks happy and ready for life and I don’t want to ruin that too. I want to cry so badly. It’d probably feel good but I haven’t cried in so long and I’d be crying alone anyways. It’d be nice to just hug someone that likes me. But I’m not sure I deserve that, I don’t even know if I truly like my crush. I think I just like her because she makes me hate myself less when I’m around her. But that’s a pretty shitty basis for a relationship. Not to mention it’s a shit show when i try talking to her, thanks to my stupid brain. We used to send each other memes for a while back and forth, but I decided to stop, and she hasn’t mentioned it. Lol she probably only ever talks to me out of pity. I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. I don’t really have any interests. All I do is watch memes and play games. But even those are starting to get old. I’m living in a world where I don’t contribute anything and I don’t really get anything. I haven’t found happiness in these things. I used to talk to my friends about how shitty I feel but now I annoying them whenever I give my stupid problems in. Like yeah me everyone else is talking and having a good time how about i shut up about my self hatred. Why am I like this I’m a fucking white middle class kid with loving parents and a job and license and friends why am I like this via /r/teenagers https://ift.tt/30xvwLU