Been in love with a girl for 8 years

I'm not sure if this belongs here.Back in sophomore year of highschool, I (14/15f) started dating my best friend (14/15f). She was my first real girlfriend. She was also my first real friend since elementary school. She introduced me to her friend group before we started dating, they became my first real group of friends that would actually invite me to hang out. I really appreciated them a lot, and appreciate them even more now that I'm 21 & realize how much they contributed to my social growth.Unfortunately a month or two into our relationship, her parents found out. We were not allowed to see each other outside of school after that. We tried for 5 months, but it ultimately ended our relationship.Her parents told all the other parents that I was practically satan and tried turning their kid lesbian,We broke up on not the best terms. I really hurt her and she felt like I didn't care. Which in the end, she was right about. If anything I wished we had never happened because... I had a hugeeeee fucking crush on her best friend.I know I sound like a dick, but please hear me out. My crush on the best friend, we'll call her Jane, was next level. I've come to realize its because she possesses all of the qualities I need in order to feel emotionally fulfilled, and she gave it all to me when we weren't even dating. I don't think I'll ever stop being attracted to her.Her favorite quality of mine is her "motherly energy". She's so attentive, caring, and gives amazing hugs & cuddles. I still have our snapchat conversations saved. We would flirt in a way that could pass as a joke as I was dating my ex. We also had a few moments that I thought for sure meant she must have at least had a little crush.We had a specific running joke that she was my side bitch when I was dating my ex. I think it was mutually known that we would cuddle more often than normal friends do. When I would ask to hang out I would literally say I wan't to come over to cuddle and she would say okay come over.When we broke up, I told Jane she could be upgraded to my main bitch now. I'm a dick I know. The way I would deal with social situations was being brutally blunt and try to laugh things off if it didn't work out. Thats what I did with this statement and kind of got by with it because I just changed the subject once she said "what". This shits saved in our snapchat chats so I have to live with the fact that I fucking said that.To sum up the end of our friendship, I was going through a lot of shit at home since childhood which triggered a dumb suicide attempt. I only told my best friend about it because I regretted it after and wanted the pills out of my system. She ended up telling other people, one of which was Jane. She reached out and I was high as fuck off of something and was freaking out over text to her. She talked to her doctor dad under the cover of "its for a research paper" and he said I was fine because those pills wouldn't kill anyone.After that she stopped replying to me. So did the rest of her friend group, except for one girl who refused to admit to everyone that she continued being my friend.Then I really fucked up. I started sending her unsolicited dog pictures over snapchat, and she'd never reply. Then I'd start messaging her starting random conversations and she'd never reply. Then at one point my best friend and I sent her a video of us petting a dog (dogs are her thing). She again wasnt replying so I messaged her:"You didn't even reply </3I'm dreading doing this if I ever see you in school im gonna freak out bc im just now realizing this is super embarrassingWell theres no going back nowIm gonna stop before this gets out of hand"What the fuck talk about fucking cringe.The year after my best friend texted her and asked if shed go to prom with a girl (Jane is bisexual). Jane said "yeah but not (my name)" and I think my best friend asked why and Jane said because she dated my best friend.I've still been obsessing over Jane ever since. Her instagram and facebook have turned into my reason for pursuing success. I don't even think shes the type of person to care about that, but in my mind I have to have a status thats worthy of messaging her again or else she wont give me consideration.I ended up making up with my ex last year. She told me they all cut me off because they thought I attempted suicide over my exes breakup. But now she understands that it was probably due to other reasons because she would overlook my family situation when we were younger. We're on friendly terms now but don't really talk.We both agreed we wished we never dated because we had an amazing friendship.I've been thinking about Jane almost every single day since I was 15. I've probably gone a maximum of 2 weeks without thinking about her. I'm not sure if any advice would help because I choose to ignore the advice that would cut her off. Like unfollow her social media.I've been in relationships since and I'm even currently in a relationship with a girl that I love. She posses many of the qualities that I love like motherly energy, but nobody will ever be as perfect as Jane. I know I'm putting Jane on a pedestal, but I don't know what to do about it. I know I'm happy with the girl I'm with now, but Jane is still my goal. My current girlfriend is probably more understanding and accepting of me than Jane would be, but I would still cheat on my current girlfriend for a chance with Jane. In my head it's: If Jane wants to be with me someday, I'll leave my current. If Jane rejects my advances when I have a status, then I'll stay with my current. That has been my idea for every relationship I've been in.​Any advice is appreciated. I'm not sure where to go from here. I know my thought process is morally wrong but I'm currently kind of unwilling to change it. Still posting to see if someone says something I haven't considered. I'd still be happy to hear your advice even if its something I've already rejected the idea of in this post.Truly thank you if you've read this far. Thank you. via /r/relationship_advice https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/j3k3bh/been_in_love_with_a_girl_for_8_years/?utm_source=ifttt