AITA for not making amends with dying father?

My father has had heart issues for many years, ignores the advisement of doctors and now has been given a pretty poor prognosis, with 1-5 years left for him. His wife has said they're aiming for more than a decade, trying to be optimistic because they still want to make memories with their kids and grandkids. She wants us to video conference soon. He hasn't reached out to me yet but I want to prepare in advance what kind of boundaries I want to keep with him. I'm iffy if I want to allow relationship mending for myself but I'm pretty certain I don't want my kids getting attached now that he's on his way out. They have no idea who he is, he has no idea who they are either. I don't know if it's fair for him to start trying just because he knows he's dying, when he couldn't be bothered before. My kids might grow attached only to have to let go very soon. I know it's a reality of life they will eventually have to face but...pushing them to bond with a dying man feels like devastating them on purpose. So a bit about why I have boundaries with him now -- He was inconsistent about contact my whole life. He'd go months or years without calling, then call and apologize, promise to start calling regularly, and then MAYBE I would get one or two more calls before he was gone again. I've recently done some therapy and worked out that I tend to be a people-pleasing doormat to men who treat me like I don't matter and I've decided to stop investing in trying to build a relationship with him, or even allowing myself to still hurt over how he is. We do talk a little more often now that I'm an adult but I find the relationship to be one-sided (always was, I just didn't care as a kid as long as he was calling). He will call every 4-6 months oand be on the phone for HOURS at a time, mostly complaining about his job. It's always been like this. He asked me how I was doing AS A JOKE in one of our last calls. I try to interject and share some about me and my family, he just waits for me to stop talking and doesn't acknowledge that I even spoke. He was even on the phone when my youngest took her first steps, we interrupted him with our cheering for her, told him, and he just waited for us to stop, seemed uninterested and even a bit annoyed, then went back to his work talk. So I started reflecting this same attitude back at him and he's stopped calling me and started calling my sister instead (not his daughter but he was around when she was under 5 and she still idolizes him because he wasn't around to make any parenting mistakes). She said she's fine with the one-sided relationship because her husband treats her like she doesn't exist too, so she's used to it. There's a lot more but I feel like I could go on for ages. AITA if I let go now, even if he wants to try to make amends? via /r/AmItheAsshole https://ift.tt/3dEpheN