My son is an abusive monster and I am extremely ashamed of him. He's 18 and still acts like he's a fucking baby. If he wants to act like one he'll be treated like one. But also we won't be funding his college because he needs to learn to respect and obey us and not gives us a hard time, and we can't have his behavior carrying over to college and him getting kicked out and us being out thousands of dollars. He can work his job and take out loans and pay for it himself if he wants to be the belligerent and abusive narcissist he is. Maybe then will he learn to give us some goddamn respect once he begs us to invest in his future, if there even is a future at all for someone like him that's worth investing in. Or for us not to kick him out and let him starve on the streetsIf he wants to cut contact and feign being abused then that's fine, that's his choice, but no financial support for him and his barbaric ways. I don't care if he cuts no contact, he just shouldn't expect anything to come out of it. And he loves to threaten us with a nursing home, I don't even think he'll have the guts to with how abusive they are, he's just as abusive as those who work in those homes, I'd say we're already in one.As parents, we are not required to provide anything beyond food, water, shelter, clothing, and an education. That's it. Anything else is a luxury. So we can take it away and destroy it, even if the children bought it with their money, because as parents, it legally belongs to us, and the law gives us the power to discipline our children. My son loves to complain that "we never taught him" how to do things like cook, use the internet responsibly, debate, become independent, manage money, or all that, everything he had to learn online or from school. That's such a stupid argument that I think he doesn't even have one. I'm glad he took the incentive to educate himself, and we are not legally required to teach that, so any time he tries to use that as an argument, we have to shut him down, and maybe it's best if he doesn't know how to argue so he learns to control his diarrhea of the mouth. His older sister knows better and sides with us, he doesn't know better and thinks he knows everything. He's not ready.He loves to complain that "we restricted his development" and that's somehow the cause of him not having a job until recently and that he still lives with us instead of being able to move out. I can explain. He has Asperger's and that limits his development, so we didn't teach him because we didn't think he would be independent and on his own. And we limited his screen time (even if it was for him teaching himself skills) because blue light and computer radiation are bad for aspergic brains, and because we own "his" computer that he "bought with his money", we can control it. His lack of skills is not our fault as he should have used the time he had to learn stuff instead of play games. And what he's saying would never hold up in a court of law.Plus a family therapist named "Karen" who is a professional and graduated from a Methodist university (whilst my son is not so he has no ground to stand on) said I was right to limit my son's internet access because stuff like blue light and pornography are extremely harmful to the brain. My son can't stop arguing with her and we have to shut him down because he is not a professional.Plus no one around here was willing to hire anyone less than 18, and it's on him for not seeking out neighborhood odd jobs.And again, we are not required by law to provide anything beyond the bare minimum, and that's it, everything else he can take up himself. He needs to be grateful for anything else we provide.Yesterday, he sent a text to a family group chat that said:[Link to FDA warning letter]FDA warning letter to [multi-level supplement company we buy from] and their products causing adverse reactions that do more harm than goodBut alas, you thought I didn't know what I was talking about. Have fun eating your own words, Karen, and get us the actual help we need. I'm dumping everything [from the company] as soon as I can. If he does that then we will charge him for theft because he's an adult.My daughter (who knows better and is way more mature than him) said:"Get us the actual help we need." Take that back, because it's inaccurate and you know it. They take us to see doctors/therapists/psychiatrists too. We get vaccinated. We take medication. We adhere to professional medical recommendations. We are not being deprived or neglected. So quit it. You can express your opinion without attacking people, you know... What you're saying is false and therefore weakens your argument. Stick to the point.But my abusive and belligerent son, as full of it as ever:You're still depressed, jobless, and cooped up in your room and I'm still without a therapist or the skills to look for one myself. They didn't get us vaccinated until much later and they try to treat our shit with nonsense naturopathic drugs because they believe "anything that is natural is good for you" fucking opium is natural and it's killing people en masse... They gave us medication before counseling and use the medication as the primary source of mediation. They think their insurance sucks, but no what sucks is their inability to actively chase out real help without resorting to snake oil and delaying everything to the last minute... And "not being deprived or neglected" is what every parent is legally required to do. Sorry, a lot of what you're saying is invalid.How fucking rude.My wife came in his room and told him to apologise and delete the thread, but he said he couldn't, and didn't want to, so my mom went into her room.I hear my son "calmly, with a level head" (yeah right) tell her how it was "not meant to be offensive or anything, this is his perception" and something along the lines of "we favor his sister and demonize him" but he abuses my wife by being stubborn and continuously trying to "explain it to her" while my wife tries to get him out of her room and tell him to stop.I call him down and yell "hey" at him 4 times until he comes down. And then I tell him that when I call him and tell him to stop, he needs to listen to me.He then tells me about how "we haven't gotten him the help he needs" and "he wasn't trying to be offensive" and "we never taught him to get help himself", but wife comes down and we tell him that things have been difficult due to this outbreak, and he is an adult and he can start doing this stuff himself. And we can give him the info he needs.But then he resorts to "we never taught him" and all that, and back to "we favor his sister and demonize him" and other nonsense. He's so stubborn.We have to shut him down and tell him that he's making no sense. He doesn't have a right to talk, does he know anything about being a parent? But he says "that's irrelevant".And we have to tell him it is and he's making no sense.This is where his stubbornness, abusiveness, narcissism, and diarrhea of the mouth comes out. He keeps trying to talk over us, interject, or give a rebuttal or commentary to everything (showing that he's narcissistic and sensitive), saying shit like "let him speak", but no, in a conversation, one person talks and the other stays silent, and he needs to as well. And he needs to stop interjecting. But no, he keeps going.So I give him a taste of his own medicine, and start trying to talk over him and cut him off.Now he resorts to "I'm trying to help and explain my side, but you're misinterpreting it as abuse, and you're part of the problem, what you're doing is incorrect", but no, he's talking bullshit and doesn't make any sense. He's abusive and doesn't know it. All he wants to do is go blablablablabla, memememememe and not listen to what we have to say.So he says "I'm done talking to you, you're part of the problem". He goes into his room.Being that I want to give him a taste of his own medicine, I continue blabbing at him like he does to me.Several times he tells me to stop, but no I keep doing what he does and continue to blab away like his little ass does.And then he comes out, yells at me to stop, and puts his hand on me to push me away from his door (that is an act of VIOLENCE and you NEVER do that or you go to JAIL)What I've found works is that when I do the same thing to him, then he gets upset and asks me to shut up, now he learns what I feel because he's stubborn, abusive, narcissistic, and doesn't learn any other way.So I leave him alone. But then he tried blabbing at me again, about how "he's trying to help and we're misinterpreting it as abuse and I'm part of the problem by inflicting my misinterpretation back on him", but again, he's blabbing and not making any sense.So what does he do? He pours water on my head while I'm using my phone! (Which is fortunately obsolete but unscathed)I tell him "What the fuck is wrong with you?" Which he repeats back to me, and then shuts the door on me, after cleaning it up.I don't know what to do with him. This is why we've threatened foster care over the years because he's so fucking insane! When he does this to foster kids or parents and gets beaten up because of it, then he'll feel sorry and learn to SHUT UP AND NOT DISRESPECT US!!! He's so fucking abusive and I feel like kicking him out or taking away his college funding or both but I'm not sure what to do. And how about HE goes to look for a therapist in the middle of a fucking crisis!!! I don't care if he knows how to or not, that is all on him now, if he wants to abuse us while thinking he's sooo independent and sooo abused.As long as he lives here, he will respect us and not talk back, regardless of "if we're the problem" or didn't teach him anything. Act like a child, get treated like a child. via /r/relationship_advice https://ift.tt/34duNAD
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