(Sorry for possible format issues, on app)I’m 20 and I’m just starting to realize how depressing Catholicism is. I realized, if I continue to live like this.. I’m not going to be living. When I turned 20, I was sad at first because I truly felt like I hadn’t passed all the milestones that I wanted to. I started to see how things in this “faith” weren’t adding up. (If you can call it faith, mine wasn’t faith in Jesus, but fear). In my opinion, I think any religion is depressing and very uncreative. I would always think to myself, in this age where psychology is emerging, and we’re learning about consciousness, why do we still hold onto old doctrine? Why do we still agree that rules from ages ago, it’s so limiting. If God is everything, it seems very uncreative of him to damn someone to hell because of a mistake. I’m sure if he was everything, that he would certainly construct a way of living that wasn’t so black and white. I do believe in God, just not the catholic god. Honestly, just reading basic psychology (I like Carl Jung, man and his symbols, and his studies) I saw how we were truly all connected.. but Catholicism divides. Psychology shows me how narrow minded and trapped Catholicism makes you. Onto a new topic, I never wanted kids, ever. I knew this from a very young age. The church is all for no contraceptives.. so if you get pregnant you’re forced to give birth since you can’t get an abortion. That thought alone scared the shit out of me. I did a course on developmental psychology, and learned about the effects of raising kids with depression, and how it effects the child. I bet Catholics would say, give it up for adoption.. still, another depressing thing a child doesn’t deserve to go through (in some cases not all). I think it’s disgusting that women are forced into pregnancy, it seems like a trap to me. It’s fine to have those desires to raise a family, but if you don’t desire that.. you’re supposed to suck it up. This is something that made me depressed about life. Then I would have catholic guilt about that thought, because “children are blessings.” Or, you’re a shit person for not wanting kids. I’ve seen how trapped and stressed my parents were, and it terrified me for my future. They would tell me in arguments, “you’ll know how much we suffer when you have kids.” (Something very close to that, can’t remember exact). I remember I went through a phase of my life when I wore a scapular, and medals. I was very strict to say the little office everyday. I felt so stressed and pressured, that I thought normal human things were sins. (Because we are told to be in this world, not of it) I would get intrusive thoughts every day, lasting all day. They would say how being catholic frees you, I felt so pissed because I felt like I was being lied to. I felt trapped. Yet I still carried on because were supposed to suffer so we can go to heaven. Suffering is used as points to avoid purgatory. I had anxiety, and never knew where it came from. It effected me in other areas of my life too, as I started to overthink everything. I spent most of my time annoyed at the “obey your parents” even though it was a toxic environment. I thought I had to, and that I deserved to go though negative cycles. I didn’t know what boundaries were, and I felt that I wasn’t allowed to have any. I remember crying in church because every time I went, it never felt loving. It always felt like we were all singing for the last time before we die type vibe. It felt like we were all sinners, and we’re constantly trying to earn our way into heaven. Only to fall short, and probably end up in the fires of purgatory anyways. With quarantine, and not going to church, it gave me all this time to think and to escape. After a couple months of freeing myself from this mindset, about 80% of my anxiety is gone. I have never felt more free in my life. I actually have hope for my future. (Compared to the past, I would always go to confession saying I’ve sinned against hope.) My catholic guilt is a bitch, but everyday it quiets down some. I actually found more respect for life by leaving the church. I view people in a more loving way too.Here are some other bs things I’ve been told by Catholics:• You aren’t supposed to get emotional during prayers because it opens yourself up to danger and demonic things.• Unnatural hair is bad (except for blonde apparently)• You can’t have sexual thoughts (we all know this one, but how stupid is this)• “God hears your thoughts, so he knows everything”• “Races aren’t supposed to mix in marriage” disgusted tone• People who commit suicide go straight to hell. (News flash, they don’t)• “You can’t listen to electronic music because it promotes drugs” literally has no words in it• You can’t wear open toed shoes in mass, or at any formal occasion.• You can sin in lucid dreams• getting a divorce can land you in purgatory for a long timeSuch a long post, just wanted to celebrate with y’all on escaping and finding new freedom. I needed to get this out to some place where others would understand via /r/excatholic https://ift.tt/3leiStl
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