I apologize for any mistakes, I’m using my phone and I’m also not great with punctuation and grammar while doing that. Soo... yeah. It’s quite long, sorry!I’ve been married to my husband for just under a year, but we’ve been living together since 2015. After making a short long distance relationship work, he moved across the country to live with me after my divorce.The issue for me is that he isn’t listening to me when I say that, right now I’m just not in the mood to discuss sexual things all the time. But, a little background. When we were long distance and first getting to know each other - we kept it spicy and new. We talked about everything from our past relationships, our traumas, our happiness, and our kinks. When he first moved out here, I was so excited to finally have a healthy relationship where my partners libido matched mine, which was quite high. When he moved out here, he rejected me all the time. Was sad and depressed from the move and just... in general I think he had (and still has mental health issues - but don’t we all?) Anyway, basically once we were able to be together in person, it was like he just wasn’t the same person, at least when it came to being confident and dominant about initiating sex. Which, was a bummer. We made it through, and grew closer, and I grew up some and realized that men aren’t just able to fuck whenever and that they get sad too. I mean I knew this, but I wasn’t able to separate the feeling of rejection and wondering if it was me that he wasn’t attracted too.For a couple years things were awesome I think. We fought some, but always worked it out. We were adamant about no kids, but we changed our mind. I had my iud taken out and after my first period, got pregnant immediately. Husband refused to have sex with me at all while I was pregnant and It really affected me, I just wanted to feel close to him.. but he pushed me away. I now know he was trapped in his head and frozen with anxiety about bringing a kid into the world.We have 2 beautiful girls now aged 2 and 9 months. No complaints about them at all, but as any parent can tell you.. it’s hard work. There’s no clocking out, no breaks, and you have to lead by example and teach them the way. We have financial strain, because to be honest my job doesn’t make a crazy amount, but it gives us the flexibility we need for me to watch our girls and the health insurance is the best you can find for the type of work I’m doing. Think - barista. I’d love to work more, but we would rather us be with the girls than for me to find a higher paying job, just so we can afford to send them to daycare. The American struggle. He works super hard as a labor contractor and provides for us. But Covid happened, and we like so many are in a bind. Like maybe filing bankruptcy and stuff. Financial security is HUGE to me (I grew up poor) and I take the burden and stressors on pretty hard. I am taking Zoloft and it’s the only medication that I can take while breastfeeding. It does lower my libido, but we both knew that risk when I started and we both agreed that this was a bigger issue than a high sex drive.Well, the days of me having a super high sex drive are long gone right now. From having young kids constantly on me and touching me, to being so sleepy, breastfeeding, financial stress, the world right now... I just don’t have it. But I am always willing to please and am willing to have sex almost any time he tries. The problem we have, is it seems like that’s not enough for him right now. He wants to text like we used to, all day long while I’m home with the girls. Every day I get texts - “ask me a question” “tell me a confession” “tell me a secret” I keep telling him, that I don’t have any. That he knows pretty much everything about me. My mind is just NOT on that shit right now. I’m not feeling especially flirty or spicy. Or HOT. I’ve got a baby on my tit and I’m cleaning up poop from our two year old we is learning how to use the potty.It’s not HIM. It’s ME or life. But he doesn’t understand. He takes it personally, and the roles are reversed. I try to explain, like if you want me to be more ready to be in the mood - help me around the house. Do the dishes without having to be begged and asked. When you grab another beer from the fridge, maybe take the bottle you were drinking with you. He smokes, and I told him How white trash it is to just leave them on our porch and let them blow all over the place and it’s gross, I hate it. But, I’m also DONE cleaning up extra messes from him. It’s like having a third child. I feel constantly pestered by this, nagged, harassed, and the very last thing on my f*cling mind is banging right now. Like, have you seen the news? I’ll respond any day and participate and be present, but initiate when our 9 month old is sleeping 2 feet away from our bed? I just can’t get into that headspace all the time.Am I wrong? Am I crazy? I tried telling him that breastfeeding lowers libido, my hormones are still leveling out after having a baby, my Zoloft lowers it, and financial stress... all contribute. But everyday, he texts me instead of talking face to face and complains to me. Can I get some advice? What can I be doing differently? Because I’m starting to feel like a bitch.Tl;dr Husband is constantly complaining that I’m not texting about sexual things and initiating enough. I’m just a newer mom that’s tired. via /r/relationships https://ift.tt/3iWBlK1
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