A Spit Up Rant

Okay, I don't which community I am going to put this one but here we fucking go!I deal with anorexia. Which I don't openly discuss with my parents because I think I do a pretty good job at recovering on my own. So we are eating dinner and my mom goes, "I was gonna make you up some of the ribs and chicken wings that were in the fridge but they went missing" which she was playfully teasing me which I saw no harm in. However my step dad was quick to put in his input of me eating the leftovers for my lunch. He said, "We don't have anymore chicken wings or ribs? Are you fucking kidding me?" His tone was harsh. Like I fucking robbed him of everything he had. I could feel panic start to set in and my ED quick to side with him. It triggered me so much, in my mind I was telling myself that I wasn't going to eat much anymore. It was like my belly fat quickly became heavier as if I gained 100lbs more. He was criticizing how much I eat in which my mind began to prepare itself for a hate speech (My mind over prepares so anything little can seem like a major thing). However I was taught that this is normal. He can be a really kind dad but he has the times were he can be the most toxic person I know. What he said made me want to cut, however I am currently writing this so that I won't. How can someone who is suppose to support you and be there for you treat you like absolute garbage and talk shit about your habits? Mind you I don't have a very open relationship with them, I self harm, suicidal thoughts and actions (I think self harm would be put into this category instead) , battle an eating disorder and anxiety (this consists of social anxiety and many silent anxiety attacks in public), and I am a closeted trans guy (they are homophobic and transphobic). All of these things I face alone because of the type of parents mine are. In middle school they found out I was talking about suicide and talking about cutting myself so they grounded me and took me off of meds I rely on to stay focused (ADHD meds). Pretty shitty parenting right there, but that's the only time their parenting had been shitty. But honestly I was just really surprised he didn't pick on my weight further but he knows I have weight problems (I'm not a big person. Im a female (Biologically ._.), I weigh about 168lbs and stand at about 5'5.6 ft tall, which I don't know what the fuck my BMI is. But there's what I needed to get off my mind.Well thats it, thanks for your time while I rant the shit out. Hope you enjoyed my TEDTalk. via /r/teenagers https://ift.tt/34sJZdp