Trapped

So I am 27 years old. My wife is 35 I've been with my wife for 8 years. We have two children who are 7 and 5. We own our home. Iam in the military and she is a stay at home mom.I love my wife but IAM not in love with her. I never thought that I would get married and have kids. I honestly thought I was sterile untill she got pregnant.I was 19 years old when she got pregnant. She was 27. I was a troubled teenager and child in general growing up. I did drugs and whatever I wanted; when I wanted. Any ways on our first date we hooked up, she got knocked up.I decided to quit being a piece of shit and do the right thing for a change. When my 1st born came into this world I felt true love for the 1st time in my life. At that moment I didn't feel alone, and that I will always be connected to something until the end of my days.A year and half later my youngest was born. Yet again this was another unplanned child. My wife was on the pill and missed a day aparently. I wish I could say I felt the same love for this child.I felt trapped, my wife only cared for the children. I was pushed aside. I felt used and felt like she only wanted me for my sperm.Then at 21 years old I was at the hight of my dead end job barley scrapping by living pay check to pay check. My wife didn't work and had no desire to help provide.One day I confided in my manager. She invited me out to have a drink after work and talk more about my possibilities within the company. One thing led to another and I cheated for the 1st time on my wife. I felt guilty and couldn't keep myself sane.I told my wife and quit my job. Then she found the world worst paying job and told me she didn't want to feel insecure again.She didn't even bring home over $230 week. We had to move in with my parents. So at 23 years old I was living in one bedroom with two babys with my wife in my parents basement. She effectivly chucked me.I started to workout and take college classes to join the military. Eventually I got in and then my life style changed completely.At this point I resented my wife. I had did the one thing I didn't want to do in life and follow the family tradition of being a service member. I started to cheat.I cheated with over a 100 different women . I've slept with 3 different women and then my wife in one day. She either knows and hasn't said anything or is literally just that stupid. I haven't had sex with for half a year now. Iam not attracted to her. She weights over 250 pounds. She isnt a good homemaker either. The house is always trashed and she is always stuffing her face.At this point in my life I feel empty. I work long hours and come home to a hippo. Theirs no connection and I can barley breath.I love my kids but she makes my life so hard.I want out of this marriage but don't want to lose my kids. How can end this civily? via /r/Divorce https://ift.tt/2EYhprn