So, my boyfriend of 4 years asked me to marry him... his baby mama issues is causing me to walk away!!!They have a child (6 years old) and I've never been introduced to the mother of his son. I saw her once in passing, but there was never an official introduction. My bf and I worked together, but his BM would always come to our job for money ($20 once... like seriously). She would ask him for a ride when her car battery was dead. She would show up to his house unannounced to drop off their kid randomly without calling. The excessive face-to-face co-parenting was too much. There were no boundariesAbout 1.5 years into the relationship, she moved across country to further her education and left her son and never paid a cent towards childcare! My boyfriend and I are 30 years old and his BM is 27. I'm pretty accomplished. I have a master's degree and worked as a manager, so I was all for her getting a better education/job (even if it was from a selfish place of her not asking for money all the time).At the start of our relationship, my bf & I were pretty open with our phones and never restricted access to each other. UNTIL... his BM was caught messaging him about being together. I responded via text, and that caused her to be extremely hostile calling me a "b*tch" etc....About a few months after that encounter, my boyfriend took a trip across country alone (didn't tell me until the day of) knowing I couldn't leave, and went to take his kid to the BM for summer break. That entire weekend his phone was off and I didn't hear from him until Monday when he returned. When he did, his phones had passwords and when he Facetime his kid, he always walks into another room or place in headphones.Two years later, I now have a job opportunity to relocate across country, but to the same city where his BM is (what are the chances right... I hate it!) . After hearing the news that I'll take the job, he has been pressuring me to marry him, but I don't want too. I don't trust him and I don't know the extent of their relationship. I've never met his baby mother! Plus she was disrespectful in the past!She recently took the son full-time, so a part of me feels like he wants to be closer to them. How can we talk about marriage when the past was never fully discussed. He's visiting me now in my apartment, and I told him that if he wants his son over - fine, but the BM must first be introduced officially or he can collect his son at the park down the road. She is not welcomed here after calling me a bitch. This is my place in this new city and I don't know her intentions or what she is capable of when I don't know her! I don't even know how much he gives her in child support. I know Nothing!!!! When i brought this up, he called insecure and jealous and that I need to move on from the past. Clearly gaslighting me!!! Maybe I do need to move on, but how??What should i do, because marriage isn't the answer, but should I still even invest time in this relationship??0 Comments via /r/relationship_advice https://ift.tt/2F3SfaY
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