Secret to RelationshipsThis is a very short story cos nobody likes long storiesMaking this story cos it seems like it doesnt exist, and nobody has yet to make itLooking for thoughts specifically on these, in rank order:Pacing - I like fast paceStructureCharacterVisualisationImageryAccuracyMetaphorical usageTerm/word usageComedyAnd how any of these could be made better. Not interested in other things. Please specify which aspect you're making an opinion on, and how exactly changing something would make it better"How many babies do you want"Looking at their photo album, they swipe through reminiscing of their memories, and on a certain swipe, something sparks in their mind, "100"They consume the last bit of their breakfastThey fly over to the ceo of a reputable non-profit, and they listen. Then ceo brings over one of the kids. "This is one of our kids. Kids like them are the ones in need. Your minor trillions would help us greatly in reaching more of those in need"They go over to the kid, and they ask, 'Were you born violet? It's a bit dark'. The kids nods 'yea'. They ask the ceo, 'Do you know what species this kid was cross-breeded with?' And the ceo simply shrugsThey take their photo album out from their backpack bag. They turn it on. "What do you see?"The violet kids says, 'Nothing''Really? Try looking again''Still nothing'One of them looks at the ceo and says, 'These lower species are beyond help'Ceo replies, 'I... I assure you that all species can be helped. The lower species accounts for 10% of the universal population with the middle classes taking up 89%, and while it does take more time than we may expect, amazing things don't come suddenly like in ridiculous fictional writings that have little resemblance to the realness of humanity'That last bit caught their ears. Guess ceo must've done their researchThey think about it for a second, and conclude with 'We'll make a time to talk to your r&d director. Just send a text'They go visit their family & friends, it's one of their kid's birthday, and the kid is filled with joy. Their cybernetic implant shows their level, much above averageDuring the event, one of the birthday's kid siblings goes up to them, 'One of the 50 dissertations I need to do for university is why is it that the higher class with higher income, higher socio-economic status, and higher education has a higher success rate in long-term relationships, and lower divorce rates, than the middle and lower classes. And I asked all my friends, and none of them knew''Did you ask your parents?''I did but they dont know'One of them had a lot of weed-scented wine to drink, and after thinking about it, they pipped up:"Bubbles. Do you those bubbles that parents and kids blow when in the playgrounds? In chemistry & physics, bubbles pop. In humanity, somehow don't particularly pop'The kid thinks real hard. 'There are a lot of bubble candies in the fridge. Are you saying the bubbles candies has the secrets?'The kid presses both hands together mighty into a fist, palm facing them, and says, 'I have to get this 25th dissertation done or I'll lose my full scholarship. I don't even know how many humanoid-lifetimes it'd take to pay back if I didn't have this full scholarship!!!' They become alarmed and they sprint to the fridgeAnd 50% of the day wasnt even over yetThis is part 1 of the short story. Made it right now. Looking for thoughts specifically on these, in rank order:Pacing - I like fast paceStructureCharacterVisualisationImageryAccuracyMetaphorical usageTerm/word usageComedyAnd how any of these could be made better. Not interested in other things. Please specify which aspect you're making an opinion on, and how exactly changing something would make it better via /r/HFY https://ift.tt/3jdZQ4I
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