My brother is 10 and I am high school aged.So for a bit of backstory, I started having serious body image issues at around 10, and have admittedly really struggled. In the past I have really restricted what I eat, exercised extreme amounts, you get the idea. My brother likes to make awful comments on my body weight as he knows it really gets me upset and is very triggering. I have talked to my parents countless times and he gets away with it every time. I have begun to fight back to my brother however it is not on the same level. Just for reference I am about 5'2 and 95 lbs, and my brother is like 4'8 and 90 lbs. He has gained a significant amount of weight in the past few months, and looks a bit on the larger side. I have never pointed this out, nor do I really care as long as he is happy.Here is how my brother and I conversations have gone in the past.Him: Gross, you look so fat and your arms are all hairy. Chubby!Me: You're one to talk, and please don't say those things.My parents have always taken his side, and I am never the one that starts it, nor are my comments nearly as awful as his are. My dad is on the autism spectrum, as am I, and my mother is always able to convince him that she is in the right about anything.Fast forward to this week I was on vacation with my parents, brother, grandparents, and cousins/aunts and uncles. Later on my mother's entire extended family visited us for a reunion. So in other words, there was a LOT of people present. Many of which we weren't super close to and have not seen in years.I happened to walk past my mom and hear some of her conversation with the family. It went as follows:Her: "Yeah OP has been just awful to her brother lately. She told him when his legs were chafing at the beach today that she's so glad that didn't happen to her, and wouldn't know what it was like because she has a thigh gap!"Family: *Glares at me with shocked look*I was completely APPAULED as that never happened, and even if it had, telling the entire family would be extremely inappropriate.Me: "Hey, that's not true at all. I never said that. Please don't put words in my mouth."Her: "Uhm yeah, it did. And whether or not you have a thigh gap is not whether or not you are healthy."Me: I agree that it is not. But I did not say those things, please don't put words in my mouth.It went back and forth for a little bit longer, and I just walked away because she would not back down. Later on that night, I texted her asking what the deal was, and that I felt that she made me look like an a-hole in front of the entire family. She replied with "It was a little comment made in passing and you need to let it go. You are both unkind to each other."I told her that it was really inappropriate to tell the entire family something completely untrue, and embarrassing. She said she was sorry I felt that way. To me that is not a real apology, but I tried to let it go. I talked to my brother and my dad who said that they never heard me say that.Fast forward to yesterday when we are home from the trip. My parents called me to their room to have a talk, and I knew it would be bad. They started berating me about how I am constantly fat shaming my brother, and that he complained about how he believes he needs to lose weight despite being healthy. My dad, who was originally on my side, took my mother's side 100%. I said that while I felt bad that he has body issues, they can't blame me for that. My mom told me "I'm sorry you're mad at us. You can keep denying your words, but I know you are only doing that out of guilt." She then gave me a very snarky smile. Then she brought up how apparently my brother overheard me and my 7 yo cousin body shaming him. Also completely untrue. The only thing my cousin told me about was his video game, we never once talked about my brother. While I can't promise my cousin never said anything mean to my brother, I can't control his words, and I was not around to hear him say anything mean.My parents then said that all of my supposed comments have left a lasting impact on my brother, and that I gave him the body issues. They said that he never used to have them, which is true, but he also did not used to look the way he does now. When I asked if that was the case, then why is it ok for them or for him to tell me to eat more, or point out how flat my butt is, they said that they can't control every comment, and that every comment I say about my body, whether it be about how thin or how fat I am, is body shaming him. I suggested that maybe they take a look at themselves for having two kids with body image issues rather than putting the blame on me. I walked away, and they told me to let their words "sink in" and really think about it.I was really, really heated and decided to call it a night. I hoped that this would be the end of it, and tried to let it go, but of course, there's more. This morning I was dead asleep, and heard knocking on more door. I said "what" in a groggy tone and my mother opened the door and said "Why did you just say that to me? That was a rude tone" I tried to explain that I was half awake, and quite frankly, still a little upset from yesterday. She told me to let it go, so I went the rest of my morning trying to act like normal.A few hours later, I walk past her room and hear her on the phone with my grandma, talking about how my brother overheard my conversation with my cousin (that never happened) where we body shamed my brother. I was really upset as we had agreed to let it go, and this was just blatantly untrue. My mom yelled at me and told my grandma that I had told her this morning to "Shut up and get out of my room." Which once again, did not happen and stretched the story a ridiculous amount. After she hung up with my grandma, my mom sent me a long text saying that she was sorry for embarrassing me but that it was time to stop holding a grudge and move on.I told her that I was ready to move on, but calling my grandma to complain about me and things that never happened was not moving on on her end. I tried to get my mom to understand that apologizing for how she made me feel, but not for her words, was not a genuine apology, and that what she said on vacation was more than just a little comment made in passing. She then told me that I have said that, and am now probably wishing that I hadn't, and that she has apologized more than once. I stop replying as it was like repeatedly talking to a wall.I am not having it. I talked to my grandma who has been a little more understanding, but I am having a really hard time just moving on. I have been hiding in my room for the past few hours, and have ignored all of my mother's messages which seem kind of like they are trying to guilt trip me. I can't get out of the house and have no idea what to do. I have been talking to my grandma who wants me to forgive her, but I'm not ready. via /r/relationship_advice https://ift.tt/31whXgr
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