Hello all, for context and short reading purposes this is a second (sorta-update) post from my first RA post, here. Sorry in advance for grammar mistakes, I'm just trying to get everything emotionally out and get some advice.For a little background, my father who works in marketing, has recently (around 5 months ago) started a company that involves him and his group of business partners to travel out of state to manage a certain job site. It has been tough for him and us as a family since with the pandemic and all it has been hard maintaining a stable income to pay rent and bills and what not. With this job, he's been needing to commit to business trips that last around 1 and a half months, coming home for around 2 weeks to spend time with us (Mother, Me and my sister (27)). The business trips started around beginning of April to date and for what it seems it wont stop happening for a while now, leaving me mostly in charge with paying all the bills (Money coming from both his account and my mothers, yes but more work and stress for my mother and I). He has been asking for a lot of help recently from me, and even wants me to join into his business as a side thing until I get out of college to make a little money. He obviously, (or shows) in interest in staying with us for a long run even in talks with my mother about when he starts making good money on his business they will buy a good home somewhere nicer which completely throws me off guard with him cheating.Recently, my father came back from one of his business trips, used my phone to sign into his Facebook messenger app since his phone was dead. A day later, in the morning, my mother had already left for work and I was about to start Online Zoom University when I over heard him talking on the phone in a discrete low voice. This being strange because he usually talks in a loud, but friendly manor way with everyone who he talks to on his phone. Since this was strange me being nosey me, I decided to lowkey overhear his conversation, it going somewhere around this,"Hey how are you, have you eaten breakfast yet?... Yeah I miss you.""Stay safe when you go to work" etc. etc.He usually doesn't talk to anyone like this other than close family members or my mother and me.I was convinced something was going on and I decided to attempt to dig further on to who this was, so I had remembered that my father had logged on to his Facebook messenger app via my phone, and he had forgotten to log out. Knowing I was either gonna find something terrible or just something really stupid, I went into the app and looked at the recent chat, which was of another woman who had just called him. I looked throughout the chat and I was actually shocked on to what I had found.My father had been "seeing" or more "texting" another woman every time he was out of town, and even talking to her when he was with us. Now in my previous post I had mentioned on how he was looking to buy a home near her so he can live with her and what not, I misread that part and I actually saw that he was already renting a home near there to stay for his business trip, coincidently also near her home.I had to do some more investigation to see what actually was going down, so I managed to find that he had initially started talking to her around mid June. The conversation between them starting off like a usual business chat, him talking about his company and wondering if she was interested. Days later within the chat, he started saying how attractive she was and asking her if she found him attractive, with her only responses being somewhere along the lines of " oh thank you thank you" "yeah", typical responses that seem to give a "not to interested vibe" (or that's how I perceive it). Then I got to the point where 2-3 weeks have passed of them chatting, nothing much really going on just compliments from my father to her, and he says, out of the blue, that he's going to buy her a new phone. She of course doesn't deny and says thank you. From here the chat goes on to to the conversation of family, she asks him if my father has a wife or family, he says 'yes but they live in another state', he asks the same to her and she says only kids (At this point I'm frustrated mostly on the woman for going on with this knowing he has a family) . From what I perceive of the chat for the next month, they just chat, meet with each other, my father buys stuff for her and her kids and what not but nothing what I see seems to serious (in terms other than him living near her or having something big). Even now that he is hear with us, he just asked me to buy a couple phones (with his money of course) on amazon so he can take with him, since someone had asked him to buy phones so he can sell it to them at a cheaper price (because of taxes, I don't know), which got me suspicious that maybe he's just buying these phones for the other woman, basically being a sugar daddy or something (even though he's not even rich) . Then I get to the point where, he starts saying "I love you, you're my life" etc, to her saying how he needs motivation for him to work and someone to be there for him when he's working. Now this is where it got me. I thought to myself, "are we not enough?" "Are we not your motivation?".I Felt truly hurt by these comments but then I got thinking to myself, throughout the past couple months to almost a year, its been tough on us and hes been working really hard in his job to provide for us. I myself are really shy and I don't really open up much to anyone, to be fair not really to my parents, I was told to be like a tough guy and what not. I have never been used to saying "I love you dad" or "I love you mom" because I had always thought that I didn't need to, that in a way they already knew I loved them and what not, sort of same goes with my mother to my father, she loves him but she doesn't show it verbally but just the little things that show that she truly loves him and vice versa for him with us.Now currently he's with us and he doesn't know that I know. So I've been thinking, what if I talk to him about this, tell him that I know everything that has been going on with him and this other woman. Obviously keep it discrete between me and him at first and settle what will happen. From my understanding of the chat, he feels alone, with all the work that he is doing to maintain us, he wants to feel loved and spark that feeling of working towards something or for something. Keeping in mind that he has been doing this with this other woman for about 4-5 months now, I will tell him that all of this that has happened between him and that other woman has to stop. I will be upfront about everything and tell him that he might feel lonely and not loved, although he feels this way I will tell something like, '"I know what you've been doing when you have been out in your business trips' 'It is wrong and you should know that things like this never ends on a good standing, someone will always be hurt in the end'" "' I've read some of the messages between you and the other woman and from my understanding is that you might feel lonely and or not feel the love and support you should feel from us your family so you have resorted to this alternate situation. It is wrong and I want you to know that what you are doing is currently hurting me and when mom finds out about this, this will hurt her even more, and bring even more stress upon the family then what we already have. If it is something I can do, I want you to know that I really love you, and although I might not say it verbally I want you to know that I really do, me mom and my sister, we all do.".Unfortunately because of financial circumstances I know what I'm about to say might be terribly wrong and unethical. After telling him all of that and if things go right, I would go on to tell him that I would not tell anyone about what is happening if he cut ties with the other woman, and be upfront onto what might be happening (that perhaps she is doing it for the money, him even saying that she wont be needing to worry financially etc.). Something I forgot to mention above is that when she asked for her age, (he specifically asked for her age first) she said she was 29 and he lied to her saying that he was 50, although in reality he is 64. Knowing if I promise that my father this, I will be carrying a heavy burden for the rest of my life knowing about what he had done, but if all he needs is more love and support at home for him to go on, then perhaps all of this of the cheating and secrecy can go away. I don't know, this is what I am currently leading towards telling him prior to him leaving for his business month long business trip again.TL:DR, My father has started a company that involves him participating in business trips in another state. 2 Months after doing this, 1 month business trip, come home another month business trip, type thing, I found out he was cheating on my mother for a good couple months now. From what i've read on his messages it seems that he is talking to this other woman (Who knows that my father is married and has a family) who also has a family, ( Who I suspect might only be relying on my father for financial reasons, him mostly knowing but still going on) about how she is his motivation and how he calls her his love and what not. I find by reading throughout more and more of his messages that he is mostly with her because he most likely feels lonely, and doesn't feel loved or get the motivation that he somewhat needs in order to keep on working. What I plan to do is basically, confront him about the cheating, tell him things like that never end well, mostly someone in the end getting hurt, in this case us (Mother, me and sister). I would tell him that, I might not be upfront as much with my feelings and thoughts, but I will tell him that we all love him, and how he if he needs more motivation, all he needs to do is talk to us be upfront on his feelings. If things go right, I will tell him that I wont speak of him seeing another woman for a little time to anyone, only if he cuts ties with her quick, I will also be more upfront with him about my feelings and how we love him, I will help him out more with his job, and try to be more inclusive in his life. Should I do this? This is more what I'm leaning on so no one will get too hurt, or will this turn out more worse than what could happen? via /r/relationship_advice https://ift.tt/36F9lqQ
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