Vent..?

I’m honestly done, I don’t give a damn anymore. It’s the same every year, I hate birthdays so much. I try my best to give stuff to others and overall just make them happy, why won’t anyone do it to me? Why do I get loneliness instead??? Why do I have to get yelled at and just have to deal with toxic parents. What even makes a birthday special, nothing. I always thought as a kid that they were great, BUT ITS ALL SOME STUPID LIE. Worst thing is, they forgot about my birthday. Sometimes I really do feel like I’m no one. I’m just someone who has tried to be there for others. I wanted to eat with my family, but I ended up being alone. I wish I were something special or amazing.. but I’m not... I’m nothing. I’m just some stupid punching bag. Whenever I’m sad, nobody helps me out, I usually have to put a mask on and say that I’m fine or else I get yelled at. I’m not allowed to be myself. I’m only 15, I’ve dealt with stuff. I’m not allowed to go to therapy, but I really can’t stop thinking about hurting myself along with suicide. People keep telling me that it’ll get better, but each year it gets worse. I’ve had some good days, but those days were due to my sibling (my parents like her a lot). Nobody wants to hang out with me. I try to be with them, but they just don’t seem to like me. I honestly don’t think anyone has liked me as a kid.I verily even know what affection is. I have to fake it sometimes or else I’ll end up sounding really ungrateful and just dead serious. I’m aware that this is more of a vent, but I really don’t have somewhere to go and just talking it out with one person alone makes me uncomfortable. via /r/SuicideWatch https://ift.tt/3iYG9yB