My husband and his family are Mexican. He was born and grew up in the U.S., but his parents grew up in Mexico and moved here later. They all speak perfect English except for the grandparents who still live in Mexico. When I first started dating my husband, his aunt immediately started pestering me about learning Spanish. She told me how easy it was and that if I was to be a part of their family, I needed to learn their language (keep in mind, we had only been dating a few months and also the grandparents visit like once every other year and they are the only ones who don't speak English). I took 2 years of Spanish in college so I could speak with them and I can speak it okay, but I have crippling anxiety that prevents me from being able to speak to others in Spanish. I could barely talk to my classmates in Spanish class, and that's because it was required to get a good grade. I really enjoy Spanish and I wish I could speak it to them all the time, but seriously I get chills, sweaty palms, pounding heartbeat and my mind goes blank every time they try to speak to me. How it usually goes is they will say something in Spanish and I will respond in English, but I never say anything in Spanish except for when saying family prayers.This usually is not a problem except for when the Mexican grandparents come to visit or when they are on video chat. Once the grandparents are present my mother-in-law becomes a different person and demands I speak to them in Spanish even if I have nothing to say. When the grandparents do visit in person, the mother-in-law actually yells at her kids if they speak ANY English and that includes talking to each other and not the grandparents in English.There was once that my husband's uncle was hosting the grandparents for dinner, and as some background information, his uncle did not have his kids learn Spanish, so they only speak English. Well, when one of my husband's cousins was conversing with my husband, my mother-in-law cut her off and demanded she say everything in Spanish. She said, "but I don't speak Spanish," and the mother-in-law replied, "well guess what, your grandparents speak Spanish so you have no choice." After that, the cousin was silent the entire rest of dinner since she knew literally 0 Spanish. My husband got angry at his mom for this, saying that his cousin was not her own kid therefore she couldn't demand her to do anything. My mother-in-law got offended but dropped the matter. That evening I went home and cried since I did not think I would ever be 1. fluent enough to converse in Spanish and 2. even be able to speak because of my anxiety and now I knew for sure that they expected it of me. My husband says that they are being super ethnocentric and that he could care less if I speak Spanish or not, but his in-laws are really intense about it...it's kind of hard to ignore.I don't know why it's so hard to speak Spanish. When I did a study abroad in Ecuador, I actually did speak Spanish, since I had no other choice. Everyone only spoke Spanish, so I felt motivated to learn the language so I could become friends with these people and be able to get around fine. But with my in-laws...I just don't feel any motivation since they all speak perfect English. I guess it's less about the anxiety and more about the fact that they have been pestering me about it and it's expected of me, not because they don't speak English and it would be more convenient if I knew Spanish, but because I feel like they want me to become fluent and then and only then will I be fully accepted as a part of their family. This makes me feel frustrated and like if I could have just been a native Spanish speaker, they would like me more...which is ridiculous! They moved to an English speaking country, but then demand that I speak only Spanish to them...it's just unrealistic. It would be like if I moved to China, had a son and then when said son got married, demand his wife speak English to me. It would just be kind of rude in my opinion and again, unrealistic. I feel undervalued, but also I feel like I can't say anything or resist since I'm white, so I feel like my concerns would just be seen as racist or disrespectful to their culture. Between my anxiety and the fact that I feel 0 motivation to become fluent in this language, I just don't think I'll ever master Spanish. I feel like my reason to learn Spanish for them, would be for the sole perhaps of impressing and pleasing them, and not for any other reason and that just makes me want to learn it less.Should I say something to them? I also don't want to ruin any relationships and make a big fuss when they immigrated here and had to learn English (and English is way harder to learn for non-native speakers than Spanish is for English speakers btw) and had to give up parts of their culture to live here. At the same time, I have no reason to learn Spanish except for occasional talks with my husband's grandparents. Am I being ethnocentric? Racist? Insulting to their culture? Maybe I'm super privileged because I only ever had to know one language. What do you think reddit? via /r/relationship_advice https://ift.tt/3mPTD1X
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