Hi mom, am I unloveable?

I've been alone most of my life, at 15 I feel I spend more time alone than what is healthy, it's always been like this even before Covid, during school I had friends but they never contact me out of school. Ive had to parent myself sence I was 9 and my mother keeps saying I haven't been caring for myself that much, despite the fact that she is the only parent in the hour 5/7 days of the week and I often go days without contacting her. She is incredibly antisocial and a raging alcoholic along with some other substance addictions.Because I have never gotten love from a parent really, I try to find love, get in a relationship but I always seem to be just the good friend, or something goes wrong. I enjoy being the friend but I miss getting hugs and a kiss, I miss feeling important, or like what I'm working on actually had a purpose. I'm at a point where I'm so unsure of everything and it's been years since I hear the words "I'm proud of you" even though I was the kid selected out of the entire school for an award. I don't want an ego boost, I just want to know what I'm doing is right and isn't pointless. No one seems to love me or want to care for me, even though I do my best to care for everyone around me. I don't mind it, but it's exahusting trying to be the parent of the friend groups I'm in, it doesn't mean I'll stop, but I just wish one person could care for me back. I don't even need that, just a hug would be nice, to feel safe in someones arms. via /r/MomForAMinute https://ift.tt/367uDxn