if I remember correctly, my parents only used spanking as punishment on me once when I was a kid- I think I was less than age 5, and it was eDad who administered the spanking

if I remember correctly, my parents only used spanking as punishment on me once when I was a kid- I think I was less than age 5, and it was eDad who administered the spanking​I think I do actually remember some parts of it very well​the feeling of having my pants down, maybe even the moment went eDad pulled my pants down when I was bent over his knee​being on eDads kneethe bad emotion I had each time before he delivered each spank,​​I remember feeling stressedmaybe pressure in my headand I remember crying​I think my head was very blood shot,and I think I was crying​maybe me trying to supress emotions to take my punishment properlyand my body want the emotions to be free to come outand my parents not wanting me to let my emotions come gushing outme not wanting to supress my emotionsmaybe me having a certain knowing that supressing emotions was not healthyI think I let out some sob or yelps​I might have trouble letting out a healthy sob or yelp,a sound of yelp that let out the psychological painnMom and eDad might not have wanted me to let out the psychological pain​thinking back on that feeling nowis triggering​​I think I can recall parts of the feeling of panicor sadness? or fear? maybe mixed emotions, guilt?​maybe the emotions making the physical pain of the spanking worse​maybe not uncommon- I don't remember what I was being punished for via /r/raisedbynarcissists https://ift.tt/2TbO941