TLDR: SO used to be excited to move to where I live but I think he has had a change of heart four years later, yet he still wants to be together.Quick background: I (27F) live in country X, SO (31M) lives in country Y, and we met and started dating in country Z for a year before moving to our respective home countries.Four years later, we are still in a LDR. We were supposed to get married this month in country X but due to covid, obviously plans had to change.Since we started dating, he was frustrated about his home country, and was very open to moving to my country due to better job prospects and better quality of life. He felt very stuck being forced to work in his family business to the point where it was obvious his relationship with his family was deteriorating.During this time he started learning how to code, and has thrived since. I’m so proud of him. Not only did he have the courage to resign working with his family, but he found a very good job in a field he loves, and as a bonus, it pays very well compared to other jobs he has had before.His parents were disappointed initially, but I think seeing him thrive has made them proud of him now. As a result, his relationship with his whole family has improved significantly. He loves spending the weekends with his nieces and nephews now.Now here’s the part where I’m stumped on what to do. I noticed that he’s not as excited when I talk about our future in my home country anymore. I brought it up to him and he admitted that he’s feeling scared about leaving his family. He’s the only son and feels like he has the responsibility to take care of his parents and sisters. He’s also afraid that he’ll miss a big part of his nieces/nephews’ lives. He loves them to death and wants to be the uncle that they look up to, as he thinks his sisters can be quite toxic on them (despite having good intentions).Since we agreed in the beginning that he’ll move to my country, I was really working hard to grow my career here. It took so long for me to find a job in a field that I love. I eventually found it and for the first time in my life, I feel very accomplished.A few years ago, I did think about moving to his country, but since I don’t speak the language, it’s hard to get a job in my field there. Furthermore the pay is significantly lower. He’d have to be the one providing for us for the first few years while I brush up on the language, but realistically that’d be financially difficult. This means that we would both need to rely on his parents — who are well off — but that doesn’t sit quite well with us. Also, he knows I’m very career driven, and he’s afraid I might resent him if I’m forced to live in his home country and needing to rely on him 24/7 (I can’t deny or confirm this right now).If he moves to my country, he’d earn at least 3x more than what he’s making now, as programmers are in demand here. We’d both feel accomplished in our careers. Going to his home country is an 8-hour plane ride away, so if there are emergencies it’s not difficult to just hop on a plane and leave (well, at pre-covid times at least).I did suggest that I’d be willing to drop everything and leave when I’ve accumulated more experience in my career and that he’s able to secure a really good paying job that’s enough to support the both of us (and future kids if that happens). We both feel like dropping everything I’ve worked really hard for now in a junior role would be career suicide for me in the future.I really don’t know what to do. He said he’s willing to move to where I live now, but it pains me that he has to give up so much. If anyone has any advice, we’d love to hear it. Thanks so much! via /r/relationship_advice https://ift.tt/3lFFUJz
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