Tuesday, October 13, 2020

Sister told me our dad abused her


Throwaway account as I don’t want it brought up in every online conversation.Almost a couple of weeks ago now, I travelled back to the family home to spend some time with my family. I’m in my late thirties and the oldest of 9 children (though sadly 2 of my 3 sisters have passed from illnesses during the years so there are unfortunately only 7 of us alive, with 3 of us out of the family home). For the last few months, my youngest sibling - my teenage sister, has been acting very different.She wouldn’t be in the same room as my dad and would walk out if he came into the same room, wouldn’t engage in any conversation with him and has been wearing clothes the family set aside for clothes banks (which are all her brothers clothes so are very baggy and obviously boys clothes compared to the tank tops \ shorts that she’d normally wear at home). She has phoned me most evenings to just talk, watch things over streams etc until she’d fall asleep (this was in itself was unusual behaviour which I questioned initially but she told me because of corona I’ve not been back to the family home nearly as much as I normally would so was missing me, which I didn’t question further as I loved the calls). Her grades have dropped at school and she’s lost interest in the majority of her friendship groups (which she said was due to corona).So a couple of weeks ago, I was back at the family home and we were sitting down at the dining table for lunch. My sister was the last to the table and the only empty seat left was next to my dad and she refused to sit down, instead made a plate and started to eat standing. Everyone was trying to get her to sit down and in the end she said wasn’t hungry and stormed off to her room. My dad started getting very angry, saying how he’s sick of being disrespected by her and how my mum must of said something to her to turn her against him, so she needs to talk to her and sort it out as he’s disgusted by how she’s been acting. My mum said he’s her father so he needs to address it himself, so he said he’ll cut her allowance and won’t spend anything else on her until my mum sorts my sisters attitude out, storming out the room.Mum followed him and things evolved into a full screaming argument throughout the house with doors slamming, shouting and them being in opposite ends of the house, both ignoring each other until much later in the evening.This obviously made the house a very tense environment - my siblings had all gone back to their rooms, so after I checked up on mum, I went room to room checking up on them, talking about what happened and making sure they were ok. I left my sister to last and asked if she knew that she’d really upset our parents, to which she said yes. I asked if she was ok and she said she was fine so I asked why she’s treating dad so badly, to which she said “I don’t know..” so I said she must know, as she’s a nice person and she’s not being nice and she said she didn’t want to talk about it. When I asked why, she replied “because then it makes it real”. I put my arms around her and after she started crying, she said that during the summer she’d gone to sleep without a bra on with her chest exposed and woke during the night to find out dad with his erect penis exposed feet away from her.She said she immediately told him to get out of her room and he said that he needed to urinate so was going to use her en-suite bathroom but left the room. She said he then acted completely normally from the morning after and how she thought it might of been a nightmare but the reason she knew it wasn’t was because she’d text me asking if i was up then prepared to send a text explaining what happened but didn’t send it - and that message was still there waiting to be sent when she next looked on her phone.We cried and I told her she needed to tell mum, to which she agreed. She did and mum asked if I could take her back to my own home, which I did.Mum confronted dad and told me later that he said it wasn’t him and could never be him so it must of been one of my brothers. He swore blind that his daughter means the world to him and how he’d never do anything to hurt her, especially after losing his other two daughters. He said it couldn’t possibly of been him as he’s been actively asking my mum to talk to her about her not talking to him and why on earth would he ask that if he was involved in anything like that. The confrontation ended with my mum asking him to pack a bag and leave, so he packed a bag of clothes, his iPad and laptop (his only personal devices that I know of other than his personal and work phones, which he always has on his person), grabbed his work briefcase from the home office and left.Fast forward almost a couple of weeks to now and I’ve just taken my sister back to the family home on her request. She doesn’t want to talk to the police but mum told her that if Dad attempts to go to the house while my sister is there, my mum will call the police immediately and get them involved regardless. Dad hasn’t returned but has called all his children but my sister, explaining to each of us that he loves his children with all of his heart and how he could never do anything like this and genuinely sounding completely distraught, alone and isolated. One of my brothers has spoken to him every day, been delivering him clothes and collecting money from him for food for the house.Being completely honest with myself, if it wasn’t my sister who confided in me, I would of seriously questioned what I was told as I’ve always thought that my father was a very supportive, kind and loving dad who would of done absolutely anything for his kids. He’s always worked incredibly hard and done without so we’d be looked after. Last month I would of told you that he was the best dad in the world and would of done anything I’d asked of him. With that all being said, I can’t explain how but I instantly believed my sister and didn’t question anything and only asked of her to tell mum when she told me.My sisters been low but has actually been the strongest out of all us. She’s talking about anything and everything, laughing and joking and being very polite to everyone except the brother who’s speaking to dad regularly - who she’s actively negative towards. She’s one of the emotionally strongest people I know - she once fell down the stairs and broke her arm and literally started laughing through the pain without crying once during the whole break, so it doesn’t feel out of character to me at all. The fact she is laughing and joking is actively upsetting my brothers, who think she’s acting completely normal and have made multiple comments about how they don’t understand how anyone could laugh given the situation we’re in.The family dynamic certainly feels like there’s currently “sides” with those that believe my sister on one and dad on the other. This makes everything tense and harder than it should be. I’ve bought and installed a bedroom lock for my sisters bedroom as I don’t want a brother to argue with her. I’ve gone through all the electronics I can think of, searched my sisters room for anything suspicious and gone through all of my dads USB sticks\SD cards I can find (all of which just have childhood family pictures of us all).So here we are, almost a couple of weeks later and I have no idea what I should now do, looking out for advice. Thank you for reading of all this. via /r/Advice https://ift.tt/314b45M

No comments:

Post a Comment

Popular Posts