So I’m 19 and I got my girlfriend pregnant a few months back because you know the story, young people given privacy doing stupid shit, after a long talk with her and other people we’ve decided to become parents. It came completely surprisingly and honestly doesn’t seem real. I’m currently moving around jobs trying to find something that is decent enough to stick to for a while until the baby is born, I actually have a interview for a care job tommorow which I’m excited for. My family and friends are all supportive and living at my mums house with my girlfriend puts me in a much better position than a lot of young parents but I can’t help but being shit scared and having a borderline quarter life crisis. I’ll be honest I’m immature af, childish in a lot of ways. Before the news and COVID I had plans ya know, I wanted to go travelling, go to events, do some crazy life risking shit which I eventually wanted to tell my kids about years down the line but I guess that’s all cut short. I can’t help but think I’m missing out on a lot of my life. What’s weird is I can’t tell how I feel about the situation, happy or not. In one way I’m excited for the time to come, that first cradle with my kid, on the other I’m fucking terrified and regretting all my life decisions.Let me put this into perspective, I’m a stupid kid who dropped out of collage, who doesn’t have a job and has no idea what job to get, no qualifications, who’s passion and main past time hobby is riding motorbikes and doing stupid shit on the streets with my friends and playing Xbox. I feel like a real loser. Like I was fully aware I was a low life before but now it’s worse. I love my girl so much, she’s really the love of my life and I will always try my best for her but I don’t think that’s enough, I’m not good enough for her, let alone good enough for our soon to be kid. I never had a dad so I dunno really what I’m doing. My mum is really amazing which I’m extremely lucky for. Something I keep thinking is this kid any better of than I was, is having me as a dad a better situation I was in. I knew I would never amount to anything really career wise which makes me petrified for the future, because what this means now is that no matter what I always need a job now, what if I hate it? What if I never progress in a field? What if I never enjoy what I do for work for the rest of my life.Fuck man, I feel like a kid still, I barely feel 19. On the surface I pretend everything is alright but every time the baby is mentioned which is all the time I feel like just the pure definition of mixed emotions, mostly negative. Most of the time is guilt and just sadness, I feel like I’m extremely selfish. At the beginning of the pregnancy when we found out we decided to talk about it once she had thought about it, I got inpatient a few days later and I sliped up and told my best mate and my mum, I really just needed to talk to someone about it. For my girl that closed the option for any kind of plan b which I completely get, it was completely out of order for me to do that and tell people but I couldn’t keep it in anymore. I was againsed keeping it but my girl was certain on keeping it so I just had to accept it which I still really haven’t properly done. a guy has equal choice in the decision but I couldn’t and wouldn’t tell her what she can and can’t do with her own body, and this is my fault for being stupid with protection so it’s my fault, gotta lay in the bed you made and all that right.Most of my sadness is me punishing myself really, like I feel guilty for the shit I’m thinking. I’ve had thoughts like “ what if when I have a kid I have to sell my bike or I can’t afford petrol” or “ I won’t have time to play Xbox and I can’t smoke weed anymore” or “ I can’t get drunk out with mates anymore” which trust me I know is childish shit and I need to grow up but it’s just the stuff I’m thinking which Is just fuel to the fire of my self torture. My girl is getting the most of it in terms of pain, terror for the birth, crazy hormones and there’s me over here self pitying my bullshit. I kinda just hate myself and my life rn guys and I have fucking no clue what I’m doing. On the plus side tho I’m reading baby books and seeing gross shit so there’s that. via /r/Advice https://ift.tt/2SwUeaY
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