This post is mostly about my SIL, please lemme know if this is not a good place to post. Also on mobile and all that. Essay long bc I need to vent.I (22F Asian+expat) and, mostly SO (25M EU) have been trying to go VLC with PIL and limited contact with SIL. They barely talked to me before bc I don't speak their language (they speak english little to good tho), but ignoring my existence completely at family gather is a new thing. I have one question tho, do you really have to claim with them all that you want low contact or what? Because these people keep pretending like nothing is wrong and keep calling texting even more!!!!We don't want to tell them directly that we want to limit contact, doesn't make a lot of sense to us to say so in this context and we don't want to get involved into any dramas or stress that we are sure will come if we announce the decision. Do advise me what is wise to do reddit friends...Background on my SIL (26), she used to be very tolerable when she was with her ex (amazing guy btw, very kind, caring and open minded). She and her ex even tried to help when we almost broke up last year due to long distance. She had history of being clingy af towards SO after she broke up with said ex, moved out of shared house. She always claimed that SO is her baby brother, her angelic sweetheart. She kept telling my BFF on our pre wed party how much she loves SO, how their relationship is special and unbreakable, that she will never let anyone hurt SO. Yaddiiyadda. She always decides gift to family members for herself and SO (fuck OP she can bring her own gift). When SO tried to include me in this whole SIL deciding gift on everyone's behalf, he added himself me and his sister in a group chat so she can stop talking to only him and show that we are one unit, which she left immediately after the gift was decided. I tried many times texting her, try to bond by trying to speak very broken in her language to show that I am willing to be a nice SIL. She started talking back, until I said no to her asking me if she can wear red to my wedding (my dress is red y'all). She and MIL ignored me during my wedding thingie, MY WEDDING!The last time SO and I went to a family gather was abit over a month ago for his granny's bday, SIL bought a gift herself and told SO it's for them to give GMIL. SO and I already planned gift so he said no, thanks, also discuss with me before you buy it next time. She was not happy, and acted like she was very very very sad to guilt SO into paying for the gift she bought. This is what she does all the time, if SO wanted to leave even tho he said we were going to when the plan was made, she kept pulling his arm and went "please please please you can do date night another time, stay to eat with me pleaseeeeee". He said no, she gave attitude to me like a kid, probably thought I was the evilll.At the party, SIL and MiL was obviously pretending like I was air. FE, if they need to get smth in front of me, they will call SO who is far away from said object to get it. SO saw how they treated me, got tired, he excused himself that we have to work early next day and told me to stand up and leave early. Afterwards, SIL wanted the family to go bowling for their dad's death anniversary, to which SO gave a no due to Corona (he lied bc he is afraid of drama, I was so upset). SIL saw my Instagram where I posted about going to my Bff's family for her birthday, small group, very strict measures since my bffs mom is getting treatment for cancer. SO mentioned a lot of times with me that he prefers to be with my friends and family instead of his own since he doesn't feel at home there.Now, SIL has been asking (always texts SO but refer to "us" as in me and SO) if she can come 4 times, SO always said we were busy (sometimes we weren't but he said he prefers to have weekend to relax with me or my family). Today y'all, she exploded on the phone that we are giving her so much stress for not replying fast, if we don't want to see her, just say it, all she wants is to see her baby brother and his girl friend (my ass) but why is it sooo difficult blablabla.then proceed to ask when we can meet. Fuck this, she will never give up. She just can't take it. I hate how she is playing this card , acts all pity around SO and makes him feel bad for being busy and needing space to handle his own life, priorities and wanting peace. They did have a special bond due to their dad's sudden death, which was broken when he realized she has been lying at his face that he can confide in her but everything goes straight to MIL (previous posts). SO, even though he understood a lot of things now, he is still affected by how his sister feels. She recently came to SO saying that she has a terrible depression, burnout whatever. She will go to therapy bc she has been selfless and only cared for others so she needs therapy to focus on herself (what kind of selfless person talks about themselves like that????), that she would really love some support from her brother. SO felt responsible, which I had to explain to him that is nice to do, but not obligatory since there is no way he can give her what she demands. If he does, he would have to call her everyday, answer ranting texts 24/7, see her twice a week (he actually tried to do when she dumped her ex and moved out until he realized it himself that was stupid). I told him we passed by her house for an hour for tea, after that we have appointment (I need to buy meat from the butcher, they close early so :)). He also told her, he has been very busy with work and life, you know keeping life together as an adult and when we have some time in the evening we just want to cuddle and watch Netflix without phone. Maybe try texting OP to talk to her once, maybe u get faster reply.Like jesus, we just seriously need peace of mind and not have to deal with my ILs. NC is not an option, I would be against it too since I would like my SO to keep his blood. We are arranging things so we can go to individual therapies, which is a good news I think. I think we are getting there, SO has been seeing things, how ridiculous his family has been and just wants to be away as much as possible. But he had history of flipping side after talking to his parents and sister so I cant celebrate yet, they are highly skilled in manipulation.... via /r/JUSTNOMIL https://ift.tt/34jiMuH
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