TRIGGER WARNING: Drug Abuse/Child Abuse This is my first post to reddit and this group. Please let me know if I mess up with posting. This is a new account for I deactivated my old one a little bit ago. I am sorry for such a long post. This is a lot of things that have been bottled up, and I finally have the will and guts to post for help. I also DO NOT consent to this post being posted anywhere else including, but not limited to reddit, facebook, instagram, etc.First things first, I am an early 20s female who has no spine against my mom. I am also Hispanic; I'm adding that for some of the ways she acts might be because of her being an immigrant from a hispanic country. We have a rocky relationship, but she goes back and forth between being JustYes and JustNO. Lately, she has been a mix of both with some manipulation and lying thrown into the mix. My mom is in her early 40s, and she lost custody of me when I about 3 years old. She did severe drug abuse for an unknown amount of time. When she got me on some days, she would bring me to the projects or her friends places to get her drug or do her drug while I wait in the car. I was too young at the time to put the pieces together. She says she been clean for over a decade now, but I'm not entirely sure if that is true. The way she lost custody to me does not add up the more i think about it. I lived with my abusive father until I was 18. I cut him off, and moved in with my boyfriend (now fiancé). I got into contact with my mom when I was 19. Since then, I have gone NC for a few months or weeks at a time because of her actions. I can make more posts if needed going into more detail about everything for it would be too long for this one post.My fiancé and I moved states six months ago for new jobs, but alas the pandemic has made the jobs postponed for the company is not fully opened yet. The latest issues with her is that she calls me every single fucking day. She wants to talk to me for over an hour or two daily just to talk about nonsense or for her to vent. She has barely any friends, and her life revolves around being a parent for my two half siblings. She feels as if I should care about all family drama, and gets pissed if I don't care. If I don't weep for every bad thing that happens to my huge family, most I haven't even met, then she attacks me. She also brings unwanted negativity with her rants. I stood up to her today, and she immediately started attacking me. I replied back to her with an essay of my mom stating to her how hurt I was that she took such offense to this, and telling her essentially I'm sick of the negativity. She texted back with an even longer essay stating even more offense, and saying that she didn't know she never did a damn thing to help me. I never ever stated anything about her help. She disregarded everything I texted her just to be able to attack me. I can't post a link to screenshots of the texts if needed for clarity.For a little context about what happened to lead to this issue from today. My mom's family and my dad's family absolutely hate each other. They have both tried to one up each other throughout the years. Now that I am talking to my mom, but am not talking to my dad's family; she feels like she won the battle. Even so, it does not stop her from her constantly telling me about every little thing about them. The latest was she saw my aunt in a waiting room, and apparently she was staring down my mom. Well, my mom texted me and told me about how she's a bitch for staring her down. All I texted back was that aunt is not a bitch, and is the only good person in that family. She took absolute offense to that, and sent me an essay of a text attacking me for standing up for my aunt. For background, she was the only aunt on my dad's side that supported me cutting them off. She was also the only one to treat my fiancé like family. I do not talk to her anymore from fear that she will tell my dad's family information about me. That fear was given to me through my mom.I am just lost to what to do about my mom. She is never happy unless she is able to constantly talk to me. I have told her countless times I hate talking on the phone for I have social anxiety over phone calls. I have tried to work through it, but I am able to make important phone calls, but will not talk to family on the phone except for my FMIL who I adore. I have cut my mom off because of her overbearing nature before. She tries to dictate my life. She has gone as far as telling me what type of wedding I will have. She has also told me she WILL be in the delivery room. I will not tell her when I go into labour with our first child. She does not know or listen to boundaries. Everything is her way or the highway.This now leads me to the second issue. I have refused to let my mom know when I return home for she is demanding me to go to her lawyer's office, and sign papers saying I agree to be the kid's legal guardian if anything happens to my mom and stepdad. My fiancé and I are not comfortable with this at all. She only asked me, and feels as though it does not concern my fiancé. All I said to her was a very awkward okay that sounded like a question. She then demanded to know if that was a yes okay or no okay in an angry tone. I then told her "does it matter my opinion? You have made it clear that yes is the only answer you will take. You are not giving me a choice in this manner". She did not like that answer, and has since dropped it. I know it's not over.I am at the point in my life where I am trying to focus on my fiancé and I's life together. I can't help, but feel like my mom will constantly bring me down. She will never respect my boundaries or choices for a long amount of time. The few times I have gone NC, and then given her contact again; she respects the boundaries for a month at the most before she goes straight back to her old ways. She did not want me to drink or got out before the pandemic ever. Whenever I would with my fiancé and his friends, she would freak and give us both long talks over the phone about safety and the dangers of drinking despite the fact that I rarely drink and my fiancé doesn't drink at all. She still tries to treat me like I'm a child for that was when the last time she saw me before I was 19. No matter how much I try to talk to her in a nice way or in a firm way she always take offense to it, and then manipulates or attacks me. I feel like she has mental issues that she is not aware of. I don't know what she says is the truth or lie. I can't trust anything she says anymore. I love her to death, but I'm getting so tired with her that I just never want to talk to her again. The issue is that my stepdad has been like a father to me, and I don't want to hurt him. I can't talk to him on my own for I don't know Spanish.Despite everything I have said, she is a loving mother. She has helped my fiancé and I out with groceries and gas before. She has supported most of my goals in life. The main issues are her boundaries for I believe that no one has ever stood up to her before. I try to stand up to her, but it's so hard. She gets angry and then I get angry or she attacks me by making me feel small. I feel as though she uses my own emotional issues from my dad's abuse as a way to manipulate me to her will. I want to learn how to get a strong spine against her for my own sake, but also my fiancés sake. I don't know how we will be able to move up north like we want to and have kids without her being a constant issue. I am so tired. It has gotten to the point where I feel like if she were to never talk to me again I would be relieved. I constantly feel like I am in the wrong with her.Please help me in any way possible. All advice is wanted even advice I may hate. I might be against it at first, but I need the help. I don't want it to get to the point where my fiancé and I both resent her because of her actions. Also, any nicknames for my mom is greatly appreciated. via /r/JUSTNOMIL https://ift.tt/2FMLVou
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