So heres my summary of k,when we met she would brag and defend about all her past relations, flings and admirers would blow her up non stop and she would text everyone of them back and brag and joke to her friends about how she was just using them, and this is while she was in a relationship. Also had me laying with her in her bed with her almost nightly. I have never been one to come between a relationship unless ut was abusive, but she just wanted attention. So after we start dating the first time i bring my best friend who wanted to sleep with her as well and i hadn't told him we were dating she went from giving me oral for 4 seconds to hanging her ass out the window for others to see to grinding and kissing on my vest friend and called me controlling and jealous. So i told her she is grown and can make her own decisions i wasnt gonna argue and went to bed. Her friends had to tell him and after he found out he quickly pushed her aside.... then the night wr broke up she tried sleeping 2 friends and the neighbor, after we did our thing and ended up going all the way.....she didnt admit to it for weeks and laughed about it 3 days later when i had already known and it wasn't an apology either and she finished it by slapping me and saying she will still fuck the neighbor....fast forward shes constantly leading guys on to get attention and still telling me she wants to be with me all the while after a loss i had in my family she only texted once asking what happened and what was on the note, and if i got any money from it to get a car to go visit her outta state. So while out of state she is entertaining her life crush idk but rotating me and him and telling me we are together while i wanted to not be unless exclusively how she demanded, throwing fits over ex fiance contacting when we have a child together and never anything more except i stayed to help her get situated for 1 month at her new place and to see daughter1 and stepdaughter3 while she worked days and i worked nights mainly.While gone each time shes expecting good morning night day sweet dreams, etc etc, proof I'm not with other girls anywhere near, and long paragraph love texts and heartfelt messages, via sms, vm, vc, and after telling her family her exaggerated victimized side of the story and telling me threats and hate from her family wants me to drive x hrs away to see her for 2 hours because she is under lock and key unless with her family....oh and i rarely got any of those expected letters she demanded and if i didnt she'd complain and ignore me, so they started coming less and less over the years. Always seemed the less attention I gave the more it was craved due to work, sleeping, spending time with family, distance, or avoidance.So she moves back in and drops her crush but now hes trying to be with her and shes torn and laughing it off all the while ex's are calling her and she has full on conversation until saying shes with someone 5 mins later while right beside me....no big deal im not jealous type, but she would get mad that would have male friends come over and would talk shit to them and run them off and say she hated them, then when we fought over stuff she held in until someone else pissed her off enough or she assumed something happened between me and another female shed flip to im abusive and controlling and crazy pressing every burton i had with a smile and turning friends and family against me forcing me out on the street or at a place where my friend didnt allow her to go.... So we get our own place some issues happen over visitation of my daughter, and her brother moving in and being a total mooch making everything worse yet defended him who was 19 yrs old and babied him and chose his side over mine, but demanded I tell him what she thought and they were just so babied and pampered its ridiculous, so she kicks me out and then 2 days later gets picked up and taken back to her home town for 3 months..... then after asking her not ri come back and begging her to stay there and keep it as just acquaintances she shows up because she wants to be free again, and after 3 weeks we return to the dark side she hides from her family. For 8 months its back and forth from i love you i hate you...fast forward to wedding after more similar scenarios 10 times worse, we fight our honeymoon night....oh and every birthday i had or will have, and special occasions, she wants a divorce 3 months later and rinse wash repeat for 5 years+ she wants a baby to save marriage somehow and during a big disagreement, 2 weeks later pregnant,....second pregnancy after not being on board wanting financial stability first and other priorities she times and plans the conception and baby #2 on the way. Nothing against ny children snd ni regrets. Find out bc and child birth showed positive test results for mental disorders and at a time i was monogamous for 4 years almost and very little sexual activity due to opposing shift schedules, and you out and about during recent break up and me being out of state you catch an sti/std....Imagine asking the person who begged you to marry her have kids settle down and be patient supposedly listen to your perspective just to twist it into the exact opposite saying that im lying she knows what I think what I do but if told once by anyone else something negative about me its 1000000000% true no doubt no proof needed why would someone lie? And constantly accused and neglected emotionally, sexually, intimately, lovingly, and only playfully hit or picked on and sexually teased, and constantly telling myself and others she is this way, this view, expects only this, is happy, is adventurous, and spontaneous, and turns around to be rhe exact opposite when alone without the facade, and will specifically do exactly told what I find disrespectful, refused to fight for the relationship and fought more to be right when proven wrong or when treated the same way i was getting, with double standards, stated i am not equal to the freedom a woman gets that i pay bills do chores when home and cater to her every need and when she would attempt to do what i requested or needed or desired put 3 seconds of effort to turn around and snap that i need to appreciate her effort, and that i expect to much, when i bent over backwards to please her and satisfy her and fought for her, but because after 8 years of no meaningful romantic gestures or equality I stayed in the other room playing games while she slept alone after complaining i put effort into doing something so she wouldn't and demanded i do it her way, would be her punching bag for mental issues and expect me to read her mind. When asking her a simple question of her preference having small fights over identity issues or that im being nosey and when voicing my issues calmly and composed met with self loathe and flight responses and fighting me to admit I want out and pushing me so hard to do until it got to the point of ger being brligerant abd violent forcing me out or to take some space... And to find out that for 8 years those close family friends and cousins and childhood besties are already trying to make it more 1 week after i left her for her demanding to know what I expect from her and turn around and do the opposite and for not being able to answer a question honestly because if your past is more important than what we put in while you chose to lie and keep them secret and be trophy wife by my side and turn around and be ms life if the party when not in ny presence to be still talking to me after like we never split all the while entertaining those cousins and childhood friends who have always been there for you and didnt just want sex from her....but if all i wanted was sex why would i choose a woman who just lays on her back, does it maybe once a week if im home and who rushes the process because its a chore and the way you initiated it was by saying come here close the door hurry up so i can go to bed and if taking more than 10 or 15 mins which was rarely due to 8 years of quickies pretty much being told to finish or to take care of myself but complain when i would try to and say it hurt your feelings that i am inconsiderate, and tell me all these preferences you enjoy or have and expect me to just do it right the first time without any communication until after or angered and after going 2 or 3 or more weeks without being loved on by a woman who would hug and conversate with every man anywhere when alone whether disrespectful or not but its not okay for me to go to a strip club after nc for 2 weeks and being kicked out of the home i pay for while you run around our state free as a bird.... And during this time link with ex's and past flings and missed encounters and then want the stability back after some hardship and expect me to be fine after your infidelity, dishonesty, narcissism, self victimizing, bashing, gaslighting, and still not once have you apologized, but only bring up how after your screw ups and Saying thats fine and no big deal i do it at a fraction of the severity and its game over double standards, biased, and when asking you how come its ok for you to do something but im not at equal footing? Always ditching my family gatherings or completely ignoring to spend time at hers so she can try to do everything for everything man woman and child and complain to everyone that im not helping yiu enough, even after having them over to our place i was cast out ignored and my daughter/your step daughter as well? But not one if them helped you the way you did....but when you need money sure no prob but it always came out of ny wallet. You made last minute plans and planned to enjoy it step by step moment by moment but constantly changed your decisions and had to be in control of all the chaos while i improvised every step to suit your choice and when counseled otherwise and correct by me was a fight to follow. I spent years lifting you up keeping your head above water all the while you pushed on mine to have 6 extra inches so people could admire your appearance. I felt you were ashamed you married me, i felt that after u seen you at your worst you thought you couldn't trust me and chose to lie because i didn't deserve your time to explain your side or your truths. I spent 8 years telling almost everyone you were so right about the horrible person i am....was..... because after this last birthday i experienced it was only about you.....the one day about me specifically....i learned my lesson....i learned i am horrible.....but not because of what you lied or exaggerated or assumed and what was rumored I did to you....but because i let myself continue to be lead on and filled with hopes of experiencing a love from a lover who never believed a word I said and would use our children or an emergency to get me for support in her wants and short comings, because burning those bridges and crying rivers left her stranded.I told you im tired of fighting with you. I told you this time you have to fight for me. I told you that I will no longer fight for you or with you until you do this and if you do you, you and I need to fight everyone else who comes between our family we made alone. It's been 2 months now and its been 2 weeks i havent heard from you or seen our children we share since you changed plans that day from staying home with them to going out while they were sick putting them at risk, after you caused them to get sick. But this is the reason why I became the way i did. Yes i know drop the past its behind you but you never changed. You still live there and just found new apps and ways to be the real you. You can say u cheated or lied and i guess yeah it was unfaithful to conversate at a bar with strippers or women, to buy them drinks, but i never made it more than that because all i could think about was how they aren't you and never will be. Asking why would a woman do this if i do this only to hear its not normal that it's covering hidden agenda or details to prevent a fight. Remember the time you broke up with me because i changed body wash/shampoo to a better balanced one for my compositions.... remember when you left because you hadn't seen your mother in 2 months? Remember when you sharted and i was the last ti find out? Remember when you were disrespectful and arrogant and rude or aggressive and bossy and when offended back became angry at me when i wasn't present? Remember when you start acting crazy and look bad in public and decide its my fault because i wasnt controlling enough to stop you? Remember when you said I deserved to lose the person who passed away? Remember when i told you my feelings for the first time and you told everyone you knew? Remember when I posted a meme with you not understanding it and you left me? Remember when you accused me if cheating and you were entertaining multiple people? Remember when you said i had addictions, while you endulged any possible? Remember when you brought up people from my past who never came around at all, yet you had every circle yours were in minus them? Remember when thats all you can do us remember? But you have a short memory so you'll move on quick like how you did with your ex to me. Remember every dream you had of me was so negative yet the ones you are with now they were the ones who you held close ....how many dreams did you abuse and mistreat me over? 5, 6, 7, maybe 16ish? You have your mind made up from my perspective.You know i am very open minded, and have nothing but love for you. But your secrets are what killed our marriage. I was honest when asked specifically about topics or situations. I answered i explained, i gave you my truths. You deflect and avoid and accuse and alter the focus. The only people I didnt appreciate you talking to were ones who has sexual feelings for you or more than platonic, but i guess that was everyone and you couldn't handle the addiction to it over our marriage so you pushed and twisted so i would get to an image you could blame...i know what i did i apologized for the actions i was guilty of and I confessed my situations you heard otherwise.So i gave you everything you asked for and its still not enough while you gave me the opposite of my wants and im asking to much. This is why I warned you about marriage and a real relationship not the fwb and 1 or 2 month flings....i told you if i gave it my all i expected you to do the same and you made the same vows at our wedding and i showed up but it wasnt me you wanted that day, it wasnt eternity or growth, or a commitment to be selfless for once. It was just another day meant to be about you. I gave it my all with your downs, and apparently it wasnt enough, apparently my words and actions meant less than anyone else in the universe, and i do not qualify for equality. This is the last time you'll ever get this side of me. The night before you left to visit family and party is the last night we had together and at least i put my effort in, and i see where you're focus was....whether yiu read this or not makes no difference to me its clear you don't have a reason to love me now that you have lost weight and manipulated and fooled everyone and molded my dislikes into looking like it was always my fault so i apologized and admitted the truths I had.. you can tell them about the other stuff I omitted you did and yiu can tell them what yiu think i did what you think i do and what you think i am thinking. But its here and if you di read this im surprised you made it this far. But after the end of this day you have used up every chance i gave you. How is asking questions controlling? How is honestly controlling? How is telling people what we both did manipulative? How is correcting people when new evidence or information has surfaced and proof feeding them bs? Or sharing my views beliefs and experiences BS? How was making suggestions or offering help controlling, but turning around and 4 other people offer, advise, suggest, or demand, and its considerate? I backed your decisions whether with or against. Yet when taking a step to my well being or improvement you fight it like I'm not allowed. So i asked her to change her last name back even though in the beginning she didnt want mine because her parents input, mainly so she wouldn't have to change it when I being of hispanic and native descent are abusive, but in my experiences it was always theirs that did the abuse to loved ones. Its funny how any suggestions i made or input or experience i had was insignificant to their disability checks and other type of non earned income. Don't even get me started on the remarks her father would make about her or to her on topics... And I'm also going to back track to our first seperation after marriage 3 months in she was already back in contact with previous relations or friends she kept secret and arranging hang outs or video calls, and gets mad when an old acquaintance who babysat for me before her asks if she is ok to meet her and have a play date for our children since they are close in age and familiar with another and after asking for approval and getting a yes from my stbxw so we could go out and drink a couple nights here or there and she freaks out saying I was having secret chats and that she was making sure work didn't text or call me on social media? But then always refused her phone after going through mine to find nothing and would wipe it clean clean and hand it over saying I should trust her but she had back up on and had been having multiple convos with people who wanted to help but would possibly get a sexual reward from the rumors ppl spread about her....and said I did it that I invaded her privacy. And yet recently I was asked by a random meme dealer on social media if single and I replied it's complicated and shot her down and removed her and many others due to after 4 months being welcomed back home by wife yet 5 nights later after seeing a generic aimed comment reply dove deeper assuming and accusing after being told the truth, and then clearing her devices for 3 nights and still denied already seen proof if her having same convos with people up till that night and some even more sexual in nature and to things id show her and she'd reply stupid or nasty or perverted or immature but was laughing it up and commenting very explicit things while I laid next to her and eventually moved to the couches or floor...With Love From, A Man You Married/Buried M With Thanks From The Guy Who I Become L via /r/Divorce https://ift.tt/372Pz92
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