When they sugarcoat or LIE about the life you’ve had

Anyone have a parent who rewrites your childhood or life with them? My mother likes to say that I “was spoiled” which 1) isn’t a compliment for either of us but she thinks it makes her sound like she “gave me everything” and 2) is absolutely unequivocally FALSE.I am an only child and was more fortunate than plenty of kids, but there were several years I had to share a room with my mom because we lived in an apartment with my grandmother and could only afford 2 bedrooms. Even after she and my grandmother moved to a rental duplex, while I did have my own room finally, we were in a bad neighborhood and I went to very rough schools my whole life. I never even went to the mall for clothes until I could get a job to make my own money. (I’m old malls were a thing once). I have always worked from age 15 on. I left home at 18.I never did extracurricular activities, not that she’d have helped me with that anyway. My cousin cut my hair until I was old enough to pay to go to a salon myself. I wouldn’t say I was “spoiled.” We went on vacation once when she and my dad were trying to work it out, I was six years old and I don’t remember it. I never went on another vacation or trip until my 20s. My mother took me to the movies ONCE with my younger cousin. After that I didn’t get to go again until I was old enough that she could dump me off and pick me up, which looking back is kind of mortifying because I was in third grade and she was dropping me off at the movies alone. A third grade girl.Her version of spoiled is providing the mere basics of shelter and food I guess. Do they believe these lies or do they just hope we do?My mother used to tell me that she “worked her ass off FOR me.” She especially loved to drill that into my head after a bad day or week at work. For many years of my childhood I honestly believed that she wouldn’t have to work at some horrible job if it wasn’t for me. She was an elementary school teacher! But she had me convinced that I was this huge burden that she “had to take care of” and any time I asked for anything I got this explosive lecture about how much she has to work for me until I eventually quit asking for anything,even food. I do remember that she had a new car every 2 years, she had nice clothes that she took to the dry cleaners every week, and she had expensive shoes (and still does). It did not occur to me at the time that she was unwilling to budget, she was always in debt, she took money from my grandmother, and she resented every cent I ever cost her.But years later she loves to tell me, especially around other people, how spoiled I was. It’s baffling. It’s like she’s talking about movie characters. She also conveniently never remembers any of her abuse or rages or violence, in my childhood or yesterday, ever. Just never happened. All she knows is I’m spoiled. via /r/narcissisticparents https://ift.tt/37iqB5H