I'm 24 M, just graduated college and started working. Living at home at the moment considering moving out because I want to learn to hold my own in the world (oh and I can afford to and have some good savings so financially it is not a issue). My parents moved here from India like over 30 years ago. So they've been here since their 20s. However, they are still more Indian then American (since they moved here at an older age, and didn't go to school here). We also have a lot of family here so they were never in need of making too many "real" friends outside of the family (or friends of family, also Indian just not related directly). My brother was born here and I was born in India myself, though I've been here since the first grade so we were effectively "born" and raised here.Anyways, as such I'm mostly American (can't say 100% being raised by non-Americans somethings are bound to be different obviously). In our family/culture when kids get to marrying age they're parents start looking for a partner for them (nothing too unusual about that). There's no arranged marriage or anything so that's not a concern. Basically, for example, today my Mom comes up to me and shows me her phone with this girl's (who's from India, and still there right now) picture and some info about her. Basically, a tinder profile :D, with height, occupation, parents, where she's from and yea that. They've shown me Indian girl's from America as well (always people they know or they know people who know them). Reliable first hand impressions of these girls.The thing is I'm 24 and have never even dated before (well one, not so great date off of an online dating app once) because I always anticipated the day my parents would start trying to marry me off to some "good family" that has been verified by people they know. Thing is in their mind marrying a Indian girls is the only option. You try to find one in America, can't find one then go look for one in India (in our community), can't find one marry ANYONE in India even if we don't know them (I'm not sure about this last one, it usually doesn't get that far). When I ask why she has to be Indian, they just say stuff like because we have connections that tell us she's a good person, we know she won't be marrying you for money, she won't divorce you because when it's within the community we can talk it out with her and her parents and make sure that doesn't happen yadda yadda yadda. Just the most ridiculous things. Like yea those are important things, like yea I don't want my wife to steal my money and run off or divorce me or do any of the bad things we hear happen in marriage but this feels so planned, and suffocating. My brother was okay with it and he accepted, and is married now. There's problems there but nothing crazy. I'm not saying one of these girls can't be the one but the fact that it is so controlled is making me crazy. Why can't I just do what I want. If I find a girl (ANY GIRL) and they think she is wrong for me for ___ reason they can just tell me and if I agree that's that.Nobody understands me. I often feel like I'm in the wrong and it would be easier to just fold and go along with it. But then I remember I have to live that life, how...how can I live that life when every fiber of my being is telling me no. My friends (Asian, if it matters, well it does just to clarify that they are not Indian I suppose), have told me it's my life and I can do with it what I want. While true, it doesn't feel that simple. I love my family, with or without their flaws. I already know how extended family will look at me if I come to a family event with a non-indian girl. Like I'm some kind piece at a museum that's strange. But I know I'm right, I should be able to date who I want right? Am I crazy? Of course, I tried telling my mom that if you have girls in the US that I'm interested in I'll talk to them, I'm not going to discriminate and not talk to them because their Indian but at the same time why do they have to discriminate if they aren't Indian.Sorry for the long post. Not sure if any of that made sense. Not even sure if I asked a question in there. But I needed to get that off my chest before I start crying :'(. via /r/Advice https://ift.tt/34LDyCn
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