I’ve almost gotten kicked out of the house because of my “attitude” recentlyAs a kid I would get slammed against the wall and yelled at in my face, while my arm was being strangled because of my “attitude”. I was 10 years old.. this stuff would happen often.Chores were how they got their control and narcissistic supply. I had a lot of trauma from that. Long story.“You’re grounded until we say you aren’t.” Was a cycle for years on and off for months at a time. No tv, no phone, no being in my room, no music, no phone calls to friends. Was all “one” punishment..“Don’t tell the teachers about your bruises because dad could get in trouble at work. He never meant to, it was the backpack that caught your arm.. I saw.” (Just so happened I was wearing a backpack when my dad was grabbing my arm very tight, yelling aggressively in my face. This was in middle school)All of this bs, for the longest that I can remember. I stopped getting physically abused when I told the teachers.. ironic.Then it turned into soap in my mouth anytime I said something they didn’t like. My stomach would start hurting after a few days of this bs. To which I told them that no one should ingest soap.. and they said it was fine because they had that punishment as a child.I would bring up the fact that I need therapy (in middle school) and they said that no, you don’t need therapy because you’re not crazy. There’s nothing wrong with you. You just need to stop overthinking that’s all.Not to mention I grew up catholic and they would use the term, “obey your parents” and how much I disrespect them. They said there should be such a thing as “parent abuse” as a response to me standing up for myself in times of emotional abuse.I would get recorded, and my parents would manipulate it so I looked like the bad person. They would gas light me allll the time.Funny thing is now, it’s over the stupidest shit. I know they have abusive tendencies. I know what they are prone to. I know when to stand up for myself. I’m getting a bachelors in psychology. I’m educating myself about these mind games, yet they STILL try to advance their manipulation.I’m 20 years old and they still manage to control my life. I go through coercive control. Financial control. I had cameras on my fucking car listening to my every conversation without my consent. (This was my grandparents. I thought I would escape narcissistic abuse if I lived with them.. I was wrong. That’s a whole other story) I’m so financially dependent on them that I can’t escape. They used a scare tactic on me by saying they’d kick me out. Yet I have no job.. they would really do that to me? They’re the reason I can’t get a job. She says, “you can’t get a jooOob.. where are you gonna stay until you earn money to live on your own?” Followed by, “this is our house, and our rules.. if you get a job you cant live here..” fair enough.. I have a plan anyways. I’m working on it rn.I’m sorry this seems confusing, but this is the reason why they were going to kick me out of the house, this is their version of “attitude” :(Backstory, I’m not attending classes because I have to sort out a issue with one of my classes so I was waiting on my professor. So. I have nothing to do currently. It was out of my control, I did my part. So I was waiting on him now. I feel like I have undiagnosed anxiety because I feel like I’m constantly in flight or fight mode at home. And outside now so yay thnx guys :). I also don’t feel motivated in this environment so I have days where it’s hard to get out of bed.)She gets frustrated at me because I don’t do anything at all, that I’m always on my phone. I’m never helping out as much as I should. (Back to earlier in the story, I get anxiety when I clean in this house now) when really, I’m unmotivated as hell sometimes. I do help out, she even tells me that she notices that I do so wtf? Every time I tell her that I struggle with my mental health she tells me that I’m looking for pity. Meanwhile my dad on the side lines is sighing, and rolling his eyes. (But news flash, he’s an advocate for suicide prevention) my mom also tells me that people with depression can still function and clean, and that I’m selectively motivated. She tells me that this is why they were going to kick me out, because of my attitude. That I’m selfish, and never help out around the house. These are the examples of what they define as “attitude”. They literally tell me too, that it’s always my fault for everything. I said, “I want to own up for my parts, but I know it’s not me to blame 100% of the time. We both have our own parts.” He cut me off and said that it’s not their fault, and it’s me with the attitude. That it’s me all the time. They said, “why do you think your nanna doesn’t want you in her house? It always comes down to one factor.. YOU.” Uh it’s because my nanna is a narcissist too. My grandpa is an enabler. It’s a systemic thing.This is what the last straw was:I was with my bf (who I actually never usually get to see, and I have no friends here atm. So I barely get out compared to the average 20 year old) so I was out with him and I drove my car that day (important info). I came back home to pickup my laptop then leave again. I’m upstairs getting a Bobby too before I leave, then my mom talks to me about her plans that she has later. First of all, she never told me about these “plans” of hers. I still had my plans going on. So this is where I started to go into fight or flight mode because I know this is where I get manipulated.. and told how much of a bad person I am, and how it’s somehow my fault. “You never told me you had plans? I’m just here to pick something up!” She started crying and telling me that her and my dad had made plans for the evening and that they never get out. This is the part where idk if I’m the ass, but anywho. I said, “I’m sorry, but you never told me you had plans. You always get mad at me when I have plans and don’t tell you the day before.” ( I’ll usually tell her the day of that I have plans, but no it needs to be like days in advanced still even tho I’m fcking 20 years old.) so I started to walk away and she got madddd. She grabbed my by my backpack and I nearly tripped down the stairs. So I let go of my bag and proceeded to walk out the door. So she said “don’t come back, you’re not staying here anymore. You’re done.” And threw my backpack outside. So I take my car and I go to my boyfriends place. When I’m there my dad calls me and tells me that I can’t drive the car, and that if I don’t come home that they’re reporting it as stolen. My tags are expired and because of them moving, and Covid, they’re coming in the mail. Even tho I literally have been driving the car and they were fine. Very selective.I ended up staying because I’m not prepared to leave yet. I need more time. I have no money rn. I also want to be on good terms with them before I do go.I’m so sorry for how long this was, and how scattered. I just have been pent up for yearsss. I need to get this off my chest somewhere. I also want to share my story to help anyone else who feels trapped. This is just the surface. It’s effected relationships, friendships, and more. I want you to know that no matter how many times they call YOU the manipulative one, that you’re not. You’re not insane. via /r/narcissisticparents https://ift.tt/3lU6fDK
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