I think I’m having a bit of an epiphany

I was explaining to a guy on a dating website that I am waiting until marriage and then I realized something...Do I even want to marry? I think I do but at the same time I don’t. I think my parents see it as a given I’ll get married. All I’ve heard from the time I was 10 years old was ”Wait until marriage. Wait until marriage.Wait until marriage.” I never thought I’d have the choice of not marrying.I think, this is what women do, they find a man, they get engaged, they get married, they have two kids, they work until they retire and then they die. It’s a pattern I am expected to follow.But I’m so socially stunted and damaged by my relationships with previous men that I don’t see it happening. I can't even let a guy kiss me without feeling disgusted and scared.I can just not marry, that's a choice but then I will miss out.At the same time though, I don't want to get married just because of FOMO. via /r/TwoXChromosomes https://ift.tt/37ujrvm