I’m going to whizz through some background info first because it’s relevant feel free to skip it though. I’m the family scapegoat 5th of 6 children (essentially because I somehow turned out different thanks to big age gaps either side of me). NParents tried sabotage my university and stop me from graduating in several ways, including forcing me to live in a convent where my life was so controlled and the finances worked out so I couldn’t leave. Basically a tonne of isolation tactics which have meant that I was unable to be fully financially independent. They also refused to sign forms for student finance etc and tried to make me join a cult (a cult they have nothing to do with).Besides their games I’ve been unlucky and unsuccessful in other attempts to start my life up. I don’t interview amazingly and that has been a barrier to higher paying jobs. Also I felt hopeless through university with nothing to look forward to etc, and no family during holidays etc.Because they are basically all one person and behave like a cult, and because I somehow formed a separate personality with my own interests and hobbies and skills which have nothing to do with them, I basically became their hobby. They justify their excessive control over me by saying : “you have the most potential in the family, but you don’t know how to use it. We’re successful we have the money we have the contacts so if you co-operate then we can help you. If you don’t like the sound of that then you’re stupid.”When I say “they”, I mean my 3 older NSisters and NParents (younger doesn’t really factor into this since he’s 16). My other NSister who is the 4th child is just as much a narcissist but she doesn’t agree with their lifestyle. They basically have strict conservative rules and she’s less conservative but that doesn’t mean she’s not a narc. In the past she “helped me out with money to pay rent” (in the convent I was basically trapped in) which I paid back fully over a 9 month period. But of course it was just so that she could play the saviour and feel like the better person compared to my parents. I already knew this was the case before it happened. Plus if she was serious about really helping then she would know it wasn’t really a money issue.So onto the main story.2 years ago NSister who I will refer to as Ursula had a baby with her boyfriend who she has been with for a year. As a person I saw a lot of red flags from the moment I met him. All of the NFamily cut her off when she announced her pregnancy, so other NSiblings haven’t spoken to her for years. The worrying part wasn’t the fact that she was having a child with someone who had a lot of red flags (misogynistic racist homophobic transphobic and narcissistic) but it was the fact that she was having children at all. She has never been a very nice person, and until a few years before she was saying she never wanted children because she hates babies. However she sees motherhood as part of being an ideal woman or wife and knew that the guy she was seeing wanted children. He was 40 she was 25. And it was supposedly a mistake. They had a court wedding after that but no one really attended and I wasn’t invited.October 2018- she never had a babysitter until the baby was 7 months old and she had to go back to work and she found a childminder. Before then I was the babysitter from age 19-20. I was happy to do it because I care about the child (especially knowing who my NSister is) and also I’d borrowed money from her. But what her husband was saying was more disturbing like suggesting that I drop out of university, and complaining that I don’t visit enough, but also getting angry when my sister would FaceTime me.December 2019 - My sister is also v dishonest and always has been. She’ll make things up to play victim or to try and brush over shitty things she did. 2019 xmas I wasn’t going back home because the last few times I was home my NParents were physically abusive. She was aware of this too. But on the 20th December she asked me to babysit the baby so she could go out with her husband for dinner. I arrive and they hand me a Christmas present (a face wash), which was their way of saying that they didn’t want me over for xmas. I wasn’t planning on spending it with them, but I just think it was a really weird way of them to express that. When xmas day came they both texted me to ask where I was and what I was doing, and they both pretended that they’d already invited me but I didn’t say yes.February 2020 - their second baby is due. Because she doesn’t have empathy she doesn’t believe in a lot of scientific facts like post part uk depression and openly had said that women who go through it are just dumb and disorganised. I had to point out that it’s just not how it works. But come February she says she’s scared that she will have post-partum depression because of her mother-in-law and it would just make her feel much better if I knew her life schedule with her 13 month old baby in case she goes into Labour. That was her way of asking me to babysit while she gave birth. She sends me babysitting notes and never says please. When she came back from the hospital she said “okay thanks you can leave now”.March 2020- After that I was slowly making plans to cut her off. I obviously haven’t told my life story but there’s much much more to her shitty behaviour. In April I think she noticed that I’ve removed/restricted her from some of my social media but she didn’t want to call me out on it. She knows I have scars from when I was a teenager and she was complicit in the group abuse. So she decided to rant to me on text about how much she hated seeing scars because she saw a picture of a girl with scars. I called her out on it and say it’s an insensitive thing to say. She says I’m overreacting and claims not to know that I have scars and basically when I call her bullshit she blocks me. And I was relieved. I took the opportunity to remove her husband from my social media pages too just so they both understand.July 2020- NDad reaches out to me to tell me NUncle (his NBrother) passed away. He was doing it for attention since he didn’t have a relationship with that brother anyway. He asked me to tell my sister but I told him that she’d blocked me for months so I’m not talking to her. I still told him I was sorry for his loss as it was genuinely sad news to hear. He must have somehow told her off because I then get a text from her husband saying “you should visit your niece and nephew, and there’s no point in your sister apologising to you because it was just a misunderstanding” and I basically shut him down and told him to have some awareness.August 2020- Then she reached out to me to tell me that “it’s crazy how we all could just die in a moment like those people in the Lebanon explosion” and tells me that I should have reached out to her in the four months that she blocked me because she didn’t have me blocked on WhatsApp. I obviously told her it’s ridiculous, immature and entitled, and if she’s going to be an asshole she needs to manage her expectations, since I have no reason to reach out to her. She then ends the convo with, well I just reached out to check on you and ask if you need any financial help (...how kind).Now September 2020 - after supporting myself for a year and struggling through COVID, unable to find a job, lived in 5 different places since June, I have no money and no where to live after my parents tried to sign me onto a contract where they controlled everything I did (therapist told me to write a Will because it got that bad). I had to ask her last minute if I could live in their spare room. First day she is “welcoming” but I still stay in my lane, don’t use too much of their stuff, try to use my stuff where possible, clean up after them, do the dishes, offer to help with everything, and look after two babies ages 22 months and 7 months all day. After 10 days of this it’s getting to the point where I don’t have any time for myself.She is a narc/sociopath so shouts at the babies, leaves them screaming for ages, tries to punish them for “annoying” her etc so it’s constant tantrums from them. She doesn’t seem to realise that they have these tantrums because of her behaviour. She is awful to them and when she leaves them crying I go to look after them, and then the older one hangs out in my room doing colouring in etc. I do that without asking because she has a lot of pride about being offered help so she’ll always say no. But I also offer to help make meals and every time she has said no. I’m working on some freelance writing, and also making a tonne of job applications every day, and working on two side projects too. So I’m unemployed at the moment but I’m busy (probably busier than her seeing as I’m looking after the kids almost as much as she does and she’s only doing a T-shirt business on the side which is just her posting on social media and posting out T-shirts). Additionally I am trying to toe the line between intruding on their family life and actually helping out. And bare in mind there is never a thank you despite looking after two babies all day every day.Today she decided to “call me out” on “not showing enough initiative” triggered by her husband had cleared my plate and also happened to have made lunch. She said that I should know to hoover their floors when I see it’s dirty. She said that he comes home and sees toys on the floor, and it shouldn’t be like that. She said that I made dinner for just myself (3 times) and only made dinner for them once (bear in mind I asked every day what their dinner plans were and some days I just didn’t have dinner or just had a piece of bread because they did their own thing. I reminded her that I always offered always asked and actually did clean up after them, did the dishes every day, fed her kids, picked them up from naps, soothed them when they cried and let them stay in my room while I tried to work. She agrees and she says it’s not enough, so I tell her that if there are specific things she wants then she needs to ask. She says “yeah but you have a brain why can’t you use your own brain and take initiative - I shouldn’t have to ask for everything so I’m telling you now to just clean up after me. My life hasn’t gotten easier since you’ve been here it feels exactly the same”.She also claimed that I only look after the children if they happen to be around, and seemed to think the time I spent around her was for fun. Often I just hover because I know they crawl around and almost hurt themselves often.What do you guys think? I have nowhere to go atm. I need to get out ASAP, it’s just abuse after abuse and I’ve been literally living out of a suitcase for 5 months at this point. I desperately need a job but I spent all my money moving house so many times. via /r/raisedbynarcissists https://ift.tt/30tFfmg
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