My family life imploded this year. My dad(55,m) is mentally ill and my mother(55,f) is trying to take care of him. She at the same time is being emotionally abused by my father. She isn't allowed to call me or my sister or even talk to us. She has to sneak phone calls to us from her phone at work. She doesn't want to leave this situation because she says he is "sick." She also believes she needs him as much as he needs her. I've offered her to move in with me but she feels like she needs to be with my father, no matter what. My father refuses to get help for his paranoia and personality disorder. He can no longer work because he is scared of leaving the house in fear of being attacked. I have always thought he was a narcissist, he has never apologized to my mother, my sister or I in my entire life. I'm not even kidding I've never recieved an apology from him ever.He says that because of my sister(23,f)and my "immorality" he will not talk to us or permit my mother to. Our immortality supposedly stems from us living with our boyfriends. He would wish wash with his feelings on this, by inviting our boyfriends to Thanksgiving and Easter but then suddenly changing his mind and basically calling us whores the next. When he decides to hate us, he blocks our numbers, blocks us on his and my mom's social media and removes our photos from the family home. I don't have contact for weeks soemtimes. It's really nerve-wracking for me and I cry daily. I feel disowned. We go through times of making up and being okay to times of utter disaster all based on how he is feeling that week.When I am allowed to see them what's always brought up is how my sister and i owe our success to everyone who had to sacrifice something in our past (my parents, grandparents, miscarried brother ect). That we need to honor them by listening to them and helping them with whatever they need. They asked me to break my lease, leave my boyfriend and take over their mortgage so they can retire early and go traveling. I said I can't do that but I can give them $1200 monthly towards their expenses. They said they would think about it. They ended up not agreeing because my nfather said he needs someone to live in the house while he is away for security reasons and me checking in on the house every other day is not good enough. Renters are also out of the question for him.Both my sister(23) and I(25) are both well educated and have good careers. We both moved out because of my father's controlling behaviors and emotional abuse. I ended up moving out I somewhat good terms, he even bought me a TV my sister however basically ran away from home after my dad told her to hand him her keys. She did that and never came back. She ended up on talking terms with them eventually. However, we are not allowed to visit the house unless we ask like a week in advance and it depends on how he is feeling. Most of the time we arnt allowed in. If we text he tells us not to text but to FaceTime. After FaceTiming for a while he tells us not o FaceTime but to call. After calling for a while he tells us not to talk through tech but to visit. Everything is controlled by him.Anyways I'm basically torn and hurting. I don't care that he is mentally ill, I just want my mom. I only love her, growing up with him was hell but she was he one bright spot in my life. Even though she is being brainwashed by him right now and at times can be difficult too I still love her so much. This weekend in Canada it's Thanksgiving, obviously there isn't going to be one with my family this year. However my boyfriend's family is having one. They live 4 hour and a ferry ride away. I'm obviously invited if I want to go but I feel so depressed about my family and would feel guilty going to their Thanksgiving. I also think maybe some alone time to just cry without my boyfriend being worried about me will help. Last year we went to both thanksgivings somehow but this year it obviously won't work out.I told my dad I would probably needs counselling because of all the family drama and he told me to stop texting him or he will block my number. Which he ended up doing anyways.TL;dr abusive mentally ill father, trapped mother and loneliness during a holiday. Not sure what to do about my family and my holiday plans.. should I go and be around people for Thanksgiving or stay home and just have some alone time? Any ideas on how I can help my mom get away from the black hole that is my father? via /r/raisedbynarcissists https://ift.tt/34Avx2P
No comments:
Post a Comment